Wishful Thinking - Retirement

I didn't smile today at the post office.  Kind of felt annoyed by the young woman behind me bitching and talking to herself about how slow things were. I didn't care that I had to wait for awhile. I was annoyed that she wouldn't shut up.

I had told my mom today that if I had a chance to retire, I'd do it in a heartbeat.  I like working.  I don't mind what I do.  I'm tired of the games that people have played over the years.  I have just had enough lately.

The diva and her new best friend, the bragger are working on a project together and it was presented to all of us and it was discussed that they would be reaching out to others for their input.  I knew what that meant.  My invite would get lost in the mail.

I am maybe speaking too soon on the bragger.  As soon as the bragger entered our lives, I was a little suspect because of her connection to the diva and their project.  The diva was impressed with the bragger.  She is a dare devil and knows famous people.  They're not famous people you want to know but ok.  I was offended when the bragger presented her project as this guide will empower the assistant and they won't have to ask questions of other assistants.

I get the feeling of being apprehensive to ask others because you feel stupid.  I get it.  I also remember the conversation I had with the diva when she started.  She admitted that she didn't want to ask me questions because she felt stupid because I kept saying I'm always here for questions.

Oh, I'm a horrible person, aren't I?  I wanted to make someone feel comfortable and I get kicked in the face.  I shared a lot of stories of people bullying me over the years and how I understand what it's like to feel bad.  I shared how I had an account exec ask me how f-ing stupid I was and made me cry.  She doesn't want to ask me questions because I make her feel stupid?  

Now she makes a point to isolate me or make me seem incompetent in front of others.  I guess I was the stupid one wasn't I?  

I saw the others who were included in on the meeting.  I'm not shocked I wasn't included but fine by me.  She wouldn't listen to me anyway so thanks for not including me in the bullshit.

I found out from the vaper that she's part of a project to work on handling microaggressions.  Here's an ironic thing.  Irma is the one leading that project.  Isn't that ironic?  The one that told me I wasn't needed when I was on medical leave is talking to others about how to handle microaggressions.  Look in the mirror! Ugh!

My mom asked if I thought about retiring early and I said I'd do it at 62.  It's not even the work.  It's the foolishness that goes on.  I said I'd like to volunteer but I think would I have to put up with people being jerks?  

What would I like to do?  I would like to meet people. I see all these events at the libraries around the area and I would like to participate in them.  There's a yoga class or a stretching class on Tuesday afternoons at the Bay View library.  I would like to do that.  I noticed there was a crafting and coloring class at the library on the east side Thursday afternoon.  I would like to do things or learn things.  I know I'm not going to travel but I'd find things where I can enjoy my day more.  I saw something on Facebook where people met up at the library to postcard for the elections. I wish there was something local here where I can do that.

Believe it or not, I wouldn't want to retire to get away from people. I'd want to retire to be around people I would like.  People who have my interests.  I would like to be around kinder people that want to learn new things.  I might make a friend.  That's a crazy thought.  

If I had a job where I didn't have to deal with issues like this, I would be more than happy to take something like that on.  I'm just growing so kind of weary of the competitive games women play.  

I wouldn't want to hide from the world to retire. I might want to see what else is going on, believe it or not.

I know.  I'll be lucky if I can retire at 65.  Here's another episode of Wishful Thinking.