People Connection

 I got to fix my work set up.  It's a mess.  I actually work at a table.  I don't have a desk. I call it my Playskool desk.  It was smaller but my mom and I pulled up a table from the basement and it's a lot better.  She also got me a new desk chair that's kind of not put together so great. I got to fix this chair.  It's like the side keeps wanting to go out.  I digress.

I think I have a different expectation of friendship than I think most people have.  I am not saying it's better.  I'm saying it's different.  I think social media has warped a lot of us.  We get caught up in likes, getting giggly because a celebrity liked something we said in their comments.  Sometimes we forget about the people in our real lives.  Social media can be real hurtful.  You look for cues when someone doesn't respond in a message and yet you see them online.

Years ago, I was able to use a messenger service that Harold and I could communicate on. I don't think it was AOL. It might have been something with Microsoft and I was really excited at the time.  Then it seemed like if he was online, I noticed the light would go off when I signed into the app. I finally changed my light to not online even though I was to see if he would show up and stay online.  A couple of times I did sign in and he signed out right away.  Sometimes he would email me during those times.  It's so weird how something like that sends you a message like maybe you're annoying to him?  Maybe he doesn't like you?  Social media can send so many bad messages without people realizing what they're doing.

I'm not dwelling on what happened there.  Looking back, he was lying about his life and didn't want me to know what it was.  I've had other people do strange things and I wonder, is maybe our friendship as deep as I thought it was?  It sent a message to me when I asked Cassie about moving companies and it took a few days to respond which to me, not a big deal.  Seeing pop up messages during the day that she was on Snap Chat?  That sent me a message.  You. Are. Not.  Important.  She admitted later that she felt like a bad friend and offered me money to help me move.  Who couldn't use extra money in a situation like that?  I needed a friend though.  I needed an answer to my question.

Is it that bad to ask a question and feel like you're an imposition?  I do feel like an imposition to people many days and if people wonder why I do so much on my own, it's because I get to made feel like a burden for asking a question.

Is it so wrong to ask someone to answer your question?  I guess I ask too much.

I'm having a bad moment.  It'll pass.  

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