Change Isn't that So Hard

Someone said to me this morning, you know change can be hard.  After this morning, I may make a change in the next year and it may not be so hard.  It may be very warranted.

It wasn't that bad.  I felt like something was out of sync.  I felt like some comments maybe didn't sit well with me.  I wasn't fat shamed.  I felt like there was a disconnect when it came to the money issue.  I felt like something was off.  I'm not mad, not at all but kind of not ok.  When I walked out, I thought maybe it is time for a change.    

I had also mentioned the accident that happened almost 2 years ago.  I was thinking it should be on record in the event that this doesn't help my anxiety.  I didn't seek medical treatment at the time and I thought it should be mentioned.  I had only mentioned it to my oncologist. I felt like it got blown up and turned into something it really shouldn't be.  I took the information and said ok.  

The other issue mentioned is something that could be remedied with weight loss. I wasn't fat shamed but there was a recommendation and a referral.  I said everything costs money and that seemed to fall on deaf ears. I think that's where I got frustrated.

I won't even mention the other thing that I got asked about.  It was an incorrect cancer regarding the male anatomy.  I wasn't offended.  I actually laughed at that.  I was a little embarrassed in front of the student but it was a slip.  It was an honest slip.

I walked out wondering if this was the right person for my situation.  Nice enough doctor.  He helped me when I got hit from behind almost 10 years ago.  Well, things have changed and with not having an oncologist who was very sympathetic at my last appointment, I feel like something is missing.

When I saw my oncologist in August she was sympathetic to my financial problems.  She understood my weight issues.  I wasn't looking for anyone to pat on my head and say it's ok you're fat.  I wanted someone to understand that I'm trying.  I felt really good when I left and I was sorry that she wouldn't be in my life and yet relieved at the same time if that makes sense.

My previous doctor just didn't listen.  Good at shaming.  Seemed nice but I kind of had it with the cheap shots.  She was also an ob gyn and I actually wound up seeing a nurse practitioner a lot of times because she wasn't available or had to cancel.  Understood.  Not a good fit.  I saw that she's retired now when I looked at the clinic in Bay View.  I saw a couple of nurse practitioners that looked good, one in particular who is younger and seems more focused on women's health.  I went to the other one and I really liked her.  I know she's older so I'm not sure if she's going to want to keep taking new patients.  I got a feeling I might be switching again in the next year.  I'm going to play it by ear, but this isn't about me being mad at anyone.  It's I don't know if this person is a good fit for my health.  

On the plus side, I have dropped some weight even though I'm doing better from the sinus infection. I didn't eat much last night because well, I was worried.  I don't recommend the worry and fear diet.  Kind of sucks.  I haven't had the appetite I've had in the last month and I'm ok if it stays that way.

I'm not against any male doctor. I still have a few in my entourage.  It's just I have questions about certain parts of my life and at what stage I'm at and I think a female might be better to answer my questions.  

I discovered that one of my appointments never got scheduled.  When I looked at my account, I didn't see it on there so I called.  It wasn't put on.  It's ok.  Mistakes happen so I got it for October and I don't have to take a road trip to Mequon.  I'm good with that.  I guess I'll just be road tripping to Cudahy at the end of June.

I honestly felt so old when he brought up some of my stuff.  

Some things just need to change.  I have time to think about this.  This is a convenient location but considering I have one less doctor to see, maybe a short trip to Bay View once or twice a year wouldn't be bad.  



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