Breaking Up

It's easy for me to say walk away from a situation.  Sometimes you're stuck.  There's a lot of toxic people in our lives that drag us down and you want to run for the hills but you can't.  It may involve changing jobs and sometimes you walk into a job that has more toxic people.  Sometimes you leave a relationship and find someone even more crazier than the one you left.  It's not easy.  It feels liberating when you can be free of a situation but getting out of it or leaving it?  Not so easy.  It took covid for me to be free of people who were spoiled, petty and rude.  It doesn't mean my daily life doesn't have a bit of that.

I did speak about the lurker and their involvement. I felt frustrated at times when I listened to some reasoning as to why things were done the way they were but I got asked my thoughts as to how I see the situation.  I said there's a history.  There's a pattern and after the last 2 weeks, all I want to say to this person is LEAVE. ME. ALONE.  I suspected someone else filed a bigger complaint.  A little thinker informed me or tipped me off.  I know the person.  She's been in it with me and is a very kind person.  She had every right to say something.  This person is manipulative and a liar.  When I got asked about asking this person questions, I said I have but I have hesitations because when these situations arise, I wind up feeling like I'm victimizing this person.  Shades of Betsy.

I do suspect that there have been conversations about the lurker's behavior.  I kind of suspect the lurker has gone to a class like Betsy did about getting along with others.  I think a lot of the questions were wanting to be careful and I get it.  The lurker is magnificent in their behavior of coming across as a victim.  I suspect tomorrow they will be digging in things that I worked on.  I asked if I should keep track and the response was yes.  I guess I should take it as a positive even if at some points I felt frustration.  I get it.  It's every little dot needs to be connected.  I think how long can this keep up?

Then there's the diva.  She's been subjected to the lurker's cruelty and humiliation.  Now she adores the lurker.  This one breaks my heart.  I didn't expect me to be besties but after listening to the diva being upset about her humiliation and sharing my own, seeing the adoration comments gets to me.  The diva was worried about filing something.  I offered some comments even though I knew the lurker would offer more.  It was the comment from the diva about how much she appreciated the lurker that sunk me.  I thought well she lost my number for help and I'm ok with that. I don't want to be accused of ignoring but hard to ignore adoration for someone that inflicted humiliation on others. 

Meanwhile I'm trying to find my own non toxic people to hang out with.  This is so embarrassing at my age.  You would think that I would have someone in my area that I could spend time with and be there when something happens.  Everyone got on with their lives and left me behind. I feel like the world forgot about me and well, want to watch people run?  Tell them that you dealt with a deadly illness.  I hear the excuses, well it makes people worry about their mortality.  Oh, please.  How weak.  So the answer is let me die alone because they're too scared to be supportive?  Awesome.  

Ugh.  I haven't felt like writing because I am not feeling like the sarcastic wise ass I feel.  I think is this making me feel sad rehashing stuff or therapeutic?  I don't know.  I have something coming up that I'm dreading and low energy for.  I kind of feel like maybe I'll get my momentum back when it's done.  

Believe it or not, this is not about my doctor's appointment tomorrow.  Well I don't feel great that I haven't lost 20 or 60 pounds like I should.  I am trying.  The sinus infection seemed to curb my appetite for anything salty. I did buy a small bag of popcorn and choked on it.  Can't say I enjoyed that.  My cough is gone for the most part but every so often I get a spell of it at some point of the day.

For some reason my other doctor's appointment isn't showing up in August.  I know it's a different community of doctors but it's all kind of inter linked?  I don't know how to explain it.  I thought I'm not driving out to Mequon like an idiot this summer and find out the person didn't put it down.  I already showed up a day early for a dermatology appointment years ago.  Not doing that again.

Sigh.  That damn faucet. Precious cries when her head is wet because she's been in the bath tub.  I wish there was something that could be done that didn't involve our rent going up $1500.

Well I'm going to try to have a better day.