Aging, Quieter Sunday

Kind of worried this morning when I saw my mom's test results.  They were ok but then I wondered what was happening that she was having issues?  She kind of got depressed when I told her.  We thought if she had something it would explain things.  She seems to be better and I looked up some type of ideas for food that might help.  Knock on wood.  It's been a better day for her.  I'll take that.  She worried about getting like someone we knew that she was getting that way.  Well that person let themselves wither and was kind of ignored.  Lucky for her, she's got me to annoy the daylights out of her.  She did shake her fist at me today to get out of my room so she could vacuum.  Good signs.  I need them badly.

Yeah. I watched the news last night and today.  Sigh.  Our world is a lot.  I think if some things were different, my mom wouldn't have been standing in line at a food pantry.  We would have slept better at night.  Here we are in this chaos.  Enough on that.  It makes me tired thinking about it.

Last week really did a number on me about aging.  I really felt like an old hag when I left my appointment last week. I tried to shake it off because I thought it's nothing.  It's really nothing.  

I reminded myself I don't want to feel bad about myself and I did after that.  I'm not looking for anyone to say Oh my gosh, you're doing so wonderful!  There was something that made me feel washed up.  I'm feeling kind of lost with someone who will listen to me when it comes to medical concerns.  The other one that's in Mequon kind of rushed me through the last time. I got thrown into one stage of life early on because of cancer so to be honest, I don't know what stage I'm in.  Apparently old hag according to one medical professional.  He should never deal with women's health issues.  I don't know why I thought this person was a good choice as a primary.   He saw me after I got hit from behind from another car at a red light. I would have thought he asked me if I needed physical therapy after I told him about the semi.  

It just prompted me for a change to find someone who will treat me like a person that deserves some respect.  On a bright spot, getting insulted has helped me not do the emotional eating and it's showing.  I am down some weight, some of that came from the sinus infection which surprises me that it didn't come back.  This whole sleep thing is another motivator as well.  It's not moving fast but it's been a big improvement over a month ago.  Last night when I woke up to use the bathroom, when I got in I kind of snorted like a snore.  It's my sinuses!  Sigh.  I know this is a sinus thing.  There's something I can do to clear them as well.  

I think this summer is about me getting my weight down and not feeling bad about myself.  I had a few days this week that weren't so great but when I looked at stuff in the store, I thought do you want people to keep looking at you and making you feel bad because you're obese?  No. I don't.  I want to feel better about myself.  It's a struggle but this is something I have to get through.

I will do better.  I never want to feel as bad as I did last week.

I drove on the freeway just fine today even with all the jackasses on the road.