The Loneliness Drug

I guess you could say it's sugar for me.  It's comfort.  It makes me feel better.  When I have gotten stressed, that's where I go. I get that from my mom's side of the family.  

I got a wake up call when I saw my mom's sugar.  It was under 200 but it was high and the glucose is a little over than what it should be.  She was sleeping when I checked her chart.  I didn't want to wake her up because well, it upset me.

My aunt died a horrible death due to diabetes.  I thought of her and my mind went spinning to sadness.  I was and am still scared for my mom.  When she woke up from her nap, she was going to check, I told her what it was.  The look of defeat came over her face.  She said she thought it would be over 200.  When she saw how upset I was, she said she would do better. I said I will too.  The last month or so has been bad for both of us.  We had company and with her going to the food pantries, neither of us passed on the sweet desserts they gave her.

She talked about insulin and that if she got her weight down, she could get off of it.  I thought of my neighbor across the alley who is on insulin. I also thought of the cost.

I'm having a life is way too hard moment.  There's just been so much anxiety this last year.  I think of my own medical. I worry about having another ultrasound again next spring and me being on the hook for another thousand again that I'll keep making payments on.

I'm just not doing so good today.  I am really weepy and sad.  


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