Fatigued Saturday

I got burnt out last night from grocery shopping.  We have done so much of it for our company that I'm going to pack their car with all of it when they leave if they don't eat it.  My mom goes overboard, gets stressed out and gets snappy with me over the littlest things.  I'm so tired of coupons, digital coupons and having to split orders up because we pay for one thing this way and one thing the other way.  I don't get paid enough to be a grocery clerk either.  It's a lot.  Because her vision is bad, it's on me to pull out cards, use them and make sure I got all the coupons accounted for.  I had an incident where I wanted to cry and did later because I should have used her card to get the digital coupons and I used mine and that created a problem.  I know she was a little annoyed with me initially but I think she saw that it bothered me.  I'm not mad at her.  I think she knows it's a lot on me.  She told me that I could take off and go to the east side for a walk when we're done this morning. I said we don't get company often so I just want read my book and be left alone until they get here.

I know she means well.  I'm not mad at her.  I'm frustrated with the situation and it'll pass.  I just can only do so much in a day. I can only remember so much in a day and I get tired.  I make mistakes.  I'm human and I wish people would remember that I can only take so much.  I don't get help or complain.  Maybe only in my writing.  I just get to the point where I got quiet.  I don't think I know what the right words are to tell people anymore what I'm feeling.  It might sound ungrateful or spoiled.  It's just me being tired.  It's just me wishing for a hand once in awhile.  It's just me that needs a 15 minute break.

I was up for an hour because of it.  I just want the week to go by without any complications. I have to work for most of the week.  I know there's also an expectation of me taking off work.  Well  I just did that a week ago and people's plans change.  But sometimes I can't take off work magically all the time.  I'm not Frick.  I did ask off for a half day to spend time with my nephew.  I know my sister and brother in-law will be off visiting other family members or friends so I don't worry about them so much.  I know when I have taken off, they might have had plans with someone else and it's just been me and mom.  It is what it is.  

I'll have Kringle and Daisy to keep me company while I watch the yearly conference. I figure I'll take those days and watch them in my room. I have a feeling that we'll be asked to keep cameras on and fine by me.  I'm not making Tik Tok videos like the diva.  Hopefully Precious won't spend the next week under my bed.  She'll hide out but she'll come out to swat poor Kringle who wants to play and maybe come around me to see if I still love her.  More than she realizes.  She's my whole heart.  I've been trying to give her extra love the last few days because I know she's going to get her feelings hurt.  I hope she's not as bashful like she has been in the past.  

My stomach has been taking the heat of my stress the last two days.  Feels like a roller coaster around noon and I want to vomit.  It doesn't help with the government shutdown either.  That worries me. I worry about my premiums going through the roof. I think well, I don't have to see my oncologist anymore.  Will I be able to afford to see anyone anymore with the rate things are going?

Corinne and her husband are somewhere traveling in central Wisconsin.  She said she'll be in the pool today.  Good for her.  I don't think the heat is helping me too much.  

I hope the good humans have a good day.

I just want to read my book this morning. It's about Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sanders and AOC.  The Rebels.  You know.  Light reading.