Anxiety Saturday

Last night, I felt dizzy but not dizzy.  Overwhelmed with the world.  It was like I couldn't shut my brain off of everything and anything.  It's better today and it's not work related.  It's just the whole world.

For starters, it seems like my attention is being drawn to items in the grocery store.  On Monday, I happened to walk past a display full of Kleenex boxes for 7.99.  Wait.  I know it's Pick n' Save and they seem high but that seemed too high.  I looked at the ice cream which I don't need but I looked at the prices and wondered what happened?  I did get a carton of Edy's for $2.99.  Do I need it?  No.  If I have a need to binge from the stress of looking at the prices, I'd like to get something that's a bargain.  It's like damn what happened here?  I walked past a display of cuties, those sweet little oranges today at Walmart that were like 7.99 as well.  Seems like I've gotten them for $4.99 or less on sale.  Even at full price it was maybe 6 bucks at the most?

I haven't had the news on much but the shutdown will be affecting this household shortly.  We got the letter today that my mom's SNAP benefits are delayed.  Well rent takes up most of her check and I don't get paid again until November 5th so we'll be ok, but that $133 helps.  

This week my mom stocked up at the food pantry and brought home a lot. I had some good meals from it.  She got snacks and maybe it's because she's been spending more time there that I hadn't noticed.  She wants to go to another pantry until her benefits come back. I absolutely hate that she's doing this.  It just seems like we keep getting more and more crushed.

I got a reminder of why we could be doing better.  I got a text that my next credit card counseling payment is due.  Damn it.  It's been officially a year now or soon to be 13 months.  My credit score looks better but I'm still broke as hell and hate it.  I'm dealing with it.  It just sucks with that medical bill being stuck into my budget too. 

Then there's other things like all the Republicans being told to stay home another week.  The congresswoman who hasn't been sworn in yet.  I heard about the soy bean farmers going broke.  It's so much and they know it.  Hell is going to be a pretty crowded place with this administration and ICE people.  Seeing the videos and thinking of the helicopters that were here still feel jarring. 

I think the real kicker was seeing that there will be poll watchers in California and New Jersey for their elections.  I think I just wanted to pass out from the stress of all this chaos.

Instead, I watched Gossip Girl and went to bed last night.

It's a lot.  My mom and I are survivors but this is a tough one to survive.  


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