Yesterday's Emotion - Anger

I just felt anger last night on my walk.  I had signed off and the Thinker was fed up with our group and really wants to be back with her old group.  She will probably ask for it on Friday.  I don't blame her.  I get really like less than 1% help so I know.  We have someone who avoids the hard stuff and that just really did The Thinker in.  

I wish I could avoid the hard stuff.  You have cancer.  No. I don't want to deal with the hard stuff.  Let someone else take it.  It's maddening and it's frustrating.

I was angry that if the Thinker gets moved, there goes what little chance I had for help.  She really didn't have the time with her own daily expectations and she felt for me.  I will miss chatting with her.  I just really don't blame her.  I'm upset on her behalf.

I thought of Cassie and the mentor having discussions about my health when I got my diagnosis.  They really treated me like such a sad puppy when it happened.  I had told Cassie before she disappeared I was done dealing with medical and I don't want to make any more appointments.  She lectured me on how important they are.  I thought you don't want to deal with anything tough.  And she doesn't because she pulled all of her social media after Trump got elected again.  She's sitting in her dining room with her box of wine watching Newhart.  The mentor told me as I was finishing up treatment, you know people really get uncomfortable with a cancer diagnosis.  I had asked him if he could tell his manager that I had to do treatment and couldn't do the lunch that we were supposed to do before a certain date. I asked if we could do it the following week when I was done.  That's when I got a lecture about other people's feelings. Ok.

My mom had been depressed after her last conversation with my cousin.  I understand the worries.  I was so sad when my mom told me how she cried when I was on a walk about the state of the world.  She's worried because one of her landlords is from another country and we have neighbors that might not be here legally.  

Who knew Hunter Biden and Jon Stewart would lift this fog off my brain?  And Stephen Colbert for that matter?

I have to deal with the difficult stuff.  I can't stick my head in the sand and ignore.  

And to those who dump or avoid?  In the words of Jon Stewart - Go F Yourself.

Keep the faith good humans.

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