No Magic Just Madness

I found myself crying like an angry toddler who didn't get their ballon when I left the post office.  Not depressed.  Stressed and overwhelmed.

Glad to be away from the ridiculous madness that was slowing me down lately.  I don't want to deal with it tomorrow either.  I got to play defense and get some things done with me being out two days.

If I actually told anyone about my appointment on Monday, I would hear the song and dance about why do you need to take the whole day off for that?  For something medical?  First up, nobody's business.  Second, I have the time, going over 200 hours again and third, nobody's business.

Part of it is superstition.  I just prefer to have that day to myself, considering what happened.  Working won't help because I'll lose it if I hear any childish nonsense.  I'd rather just go home, watch TV or do any errands I need to get done.  Corinne's birthday is coming up so I'll get her small package out in the mail after my appointment.

I sent a refund to the woman who had been harassing me over 99 cent mascara that's all dried up.  I could have paid for the envelope and had her send it back to me.  I wanted to be done with the psycho.  I think that's what has put me in a low tolerance mood for BS.  I always cave with people like that in life and I think that's why I kept going with the arguing.  I thought you're not going to bully over something so stupid.  It's done and I'm done with crazy.

Yeah, I am a little worried and depressed about my upcoming appointments.  I think great.  I had hopes that I would have made progress with my weight and that didn't happen.  I know I'll get kind words of encouragement but you know what?  I just feel like a failure in that area and I'm so sad about it.  I think I had to like damage myself so I could heal myself from cancer and I don't know how to get myself and I'm sad.  I seem to have these weird little break outs and I got to admit, the big mirror at the dermatologist's office freaks me out more than the scale.  It's like no, we don't look at me with that big mirror.  Can we get a small mirror?  And a sigh again.  On the plus side, I called and made my last appointment for the year.  Or I think I did.  I'm not sure.  By end of July I should be done for the most part.  Except for the damn dentist.  Damn it.  No big surprises.  Just small ones that are manageable and covered by insurance.

I thought I had a stroke when I heard Chris Hayes play a clip of RFK Jr saying measles isn't so bad.  No shocker there I guess.  I wanted to listen to Tim Walz.  I miss that guy.  I felt a bit hopeful when Chris talked about some anti-LGBTQ bills not getting passed. Small victories.  Small victories.

Looks like our landlord cleaned out most of the garage.  My mom was ok that he took the dresser that the monster had that was kind of nice. I said do we want too many memories of an awful person?  She was ok with it.

She found my dad's headstone online.  My mom knows how to google.  There was a mystery for years about what his brother and sister had done.  We thought maybe he should be buried in Saranac Lake and they played games with us about his headstone.  He should have gotten one from the VA and I guess my aunt had gotten one herself.  That whole situation was insane.  He had a family here and we all wished that he would have been buried here.  My aunt complained about lack of contact from him over the years.  That's not a reason to punish anyone.  He was flawed but he was my dad.  That wasn't right.  

My dad deserved a nice headstone and he has a nice one now.  He should have had it all along.