Chaos and Malaise

It was just one of those days.  At least I had the peace of no monster down below.  That's a good thing. I haven't seen the landlord since last week and I'm sure we'll see him.  I'm really ok if he takes his time doing the work that he needs to do.  I'm ok with us being the only tenants for the moment.  I hope it's a better change.

It seems if the lurker is away, their protege will play and it's affecting our new person.  I am worried.  I had to speak my mind even if I might be dismissed or told my imagination is working in overdrive.  I worry that this person will go away and that won't be good.  I have felt a little hopeful about my daily situation and I thought I have an ally.  I don't feel hopeful because I'm used to good things going away.  Wow.  Negative thought.  Diffuse with rainbows and sprinkles.  I don't want this person to leave.  I don't know if there's anything I can say that will make a difference.  My voice isn't the voice that people that want to hear.  I know my truth.

I only had the news on for less than an hour and it sucked.  I listened to Jim Acosta and Steve Schmidt brought me down.  Bring back Michael Cohen!  My mom had MSNBC on for a bit and it didn't sound ok.  I saw that transgender people would be thrown into jail in Texas.  The feeling of hate that's being normalized is overwhelming my brain.  I read Rosie O'Donnell left for Ireland.  It made me sad that she didn't take me and mom.

At least I have a place with a roof over my head for now.  I got to get my blood work.  I'm not feeling hopeful about that and I'm worried about next week because yep.  It's that time of year.  Will I get past the 10 year finish line?  It's this quiet anxiety that's eating at me.  I'm sure I'll break down a few times between now and Monday.

I can sleep a little better.  I'm still invisible.  If only that power could help me shoplift groceries. I could help a lot of people with that power.

Trying to find the positivity in the chaos.  

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