Holiday Struggles

I finished watching the new Ted Danson on Netflix.  It made me sad.  It made me cry.  It was a sweet show.  It hit close to home for me in some ways.

I have a parent who's aging and I'm fortunate that she does well for her age.  She could probably kick the monster's ass downstairs and she has told him a few times.  I get a little depressed about her vision and feel horrible that she spends her days reading on my Kindle because reading is the one thing that makes her truly happy.  She kind of wondered if maybe she could get a bigger TV to help her see in the living room because she worried about Trump's tariffs.  Have I mentioned my dislike of the man?  Anyway, I got her some of her eye vitamin pills from Amazon and I will get another before Christmas. She tells me never to get anything and I never listen.  These are the things that she shouldn't have to buy and if I can keep her in eye vitamin pills to help her do the one thing she loves?  I will go work the drive up at Burger King for a second job if I have to do that.

The show touched upon loneliness.  People think Oh, you're depressed, go see 15 doctors and maybe you'll do better and we can be around you!  I saw one therapist when I was 19 who said that I need a hug.  She thought that I was just fine.  Just a lonely person.  Even at 19?  That can't be good.

I have put on my blog so many horror stories of trusting people and getting burned.  It's hard.  The heck of it is?  I got more stories I haven't even disclosed.  Oh, yeah, it's been a lifetime of being taken advantage of and worried about who I can trust.  It just sucks.  

I thought Cassie was a friend and I put more value in our relationship than she did.  I'm not sure where her head was.  I think it's to tell people she helped someone who got sick.  It wasn't as deep as I thought and that sucks.

Corinne understands me.  Corinne had a lifetime of loneliness and I so badly wished I would have understood her better when we worked together. I would have reached out more.  For that, I am sorry.  I see that now and I wish her and her husband lived closer, but I don't blame them.  They live near her farm which they have had for years and I think they prefer living more in a small town than where she was at.  If I do one thing for anyone during the holidays, I am going to find her a nice card to send because her visit meant not just the world to me but to my mom.

So yeah, I'm a little weepy this morning.  Stupid show.  It was a really sweet show.  Poor Precious will be getting hugged more today.  Poor cat.

I am looking forward to the Starbucks on Downer Avenue being opened again soon.  I won't have any money to go this weekend but next weekend, I think I need a treat myself moment.  It was kind of my place after so many appointments to get a drink and maybe talk to someone. Feel better and go on my way.  I think some of the fast food places wanting a tip is a little insane but I have tipped a small amount when I order from there just because it made me feel better.  

I am scared about the Trump administration. I am horribly scared that life will become unaffordable.  I am horribly scared that rent will be worse and we'll have to go someplace with bugs.  I'm so worried about getting sick again.  It's fine if I can't afford a test, but what happens if something comes back?  I'm so scared this morning. 

I'm so resentful of the people who voted for him.  People say they're going to pay for what they did. No we all are. 

Those feelings will pass, but today is not the day.  Safe to say there will be no CNN Max on.  It really wasn't that bad.  They actually showed "gasp" the current president, Joe Biden.  I'm so sick of the Democrats playing the blame game.  Get your act together because the people are paying for it and will pay for this mess. 

I will feel better once my day gets going, but I have a lot of worries and it's kind of crashing down on me.  

Good humans have a good day.  If you could tell me how to have a good one, I could use the advice.

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