Hiding from Reality

My text messages need serious deleting.  Especially after I saw that I had them from 2013.  Yeah. I know.  Judge me because I am doing the same. I thought what?  They don't magically go away? I did it because the pharmacist at Wal-Mart sassed my mom about not picking up her prescriptions in a timely manner.  Well hey, Jack, we are within the 7 day time frame so relax, please.  He made mention that there was another prescription that he was going to put back but he never sent the first reminder. I figured since I am the one who gets these messages and with all the political garbage that gets sent to me, time to clean up my act with this.  I am now in 2015 so I'm getting there!  I am getting there!  

I found one from a friend who dumped me when I found out I needed a biopsy. I think she thought that I was looking for a ride and to be honest, she could have done it. She worked from home part time and spent her days spying on people's social media accounts and watching The View.  Her last message was that she was going to avoid Facebook because she didn't want to hear about people's problems.  That was a very telling sign that I didn't see until a year later.  It was back in 2014.  Like Cassie, Cherie wanted to live in a happy place and couldn't cope.

I heard that a lot, like I don't know how you deal with it. I couldn't do that. I couldn't do that on my own or I couldn't have battled an illness like you did.  

Well I want to watch Netflix and eat chocolate all day long, but I gotta get out of bed and do something.  Would it have been nice to have had a little more support in my life than I have had?  Sure.  In a way, it was really ok.  Being dependent on someone can be really bad thing.  Being able to figure out things or dealing with someone on my own has been ok.

I feel bad in my imaginary letter to Cassie that I brought up the hiding in our parking lot basement, especially since I sat in the parking lot of a McDonald's eating a cheeseburger and fries sobbing that Betsy was going to get my ass fired.  A managing attorney who got fired told all of us that we were going to have to work harder and we should be happy to have jobs.  He got fired.  How did that work out?  He said dumb things all the time so that was nothing new to me.

After I had my McDonald's meltdown, I felt better and realized, I got to make this better.  It got worse before it got better, but I had to face the situation and stick up for myself.  I couldn't just say I'm not going to go hide and not deal.  I got to deal.

Yesterday, I saw a video of CNN's Sara Sidner showing part of her body and what it looks like from radiation.  Been there, done that, Sara Sidner.  It was painful to see because it was a reminder. I couldn't talk about that with anyone. I heard I was an inspiration but if I dare mention it?  No, I couldn't deal with it.  Well, I did.  Geezus.  

My step-dad didn't leave us with anything other than a small insurance policy and a lot of problems.  We may be hanging by a thread most days, but we are doing ok and we are dealing with it.  

I would never expect anyone to solve my problems and I wouldn't want someone to make it ok to hide from them.  

It's a nice feeling when you get scared about something or frustrated about a problem and then you figure it out and realized you had it in you all along.  I'll take the hard times on.  Yes, it would be nice if I had a cheering section, but I can do it.