Pet Store Friday

I made it to the pet store today. I hadn't been there for maybe two months. I thought I'd try to conquer my fear of getting on the freeway where I got hit.  I got Precious a few cans of the healthier stuff I prefer to give her and a bag of treats because I'm a pushover.  I like seeing the random dog that people bring in and wants to socialize.

I had a truck go past me and I just yelled NOOOOO in my car as it drove by. I was listening to Jennifer Grey's book when the big truck drove by and I thought no, not today.  Please.  No no no.  I figured if I yelled NOOOOO then the truck driver would magically hear me.  They must have because I didn't get hit.  I am still pushing my way through driving on the freeway.  Somedays I don't have it in me.  

I did not feel good this afternoon.  Still feel crummy.  I got a headache I can't seem to shake.  It could be the weather.  I don't know.  I get a lot of sinus headaches and it just sucks. I took my mom to Menards and we looked at holiday decorations which was nice.  I wanted to shoplift all of it.  It was nice to look at.

I don't have my 20K steps in, but it's close.  Maybe I'll get it in.  I'm just feeling whipped.  Next week, I start mailing out letters all throughout October.  I'll be glad to make my room look less like an episode out of Hoarders.  

My left foot is bothering me. I wish I knew what this weird thing is on the side of my foot.  Looks like a callus but not sure and I have tried to file it down.  It seems to be not so bad on my right foot but when the weather is warm, the left foot feels like it's being pinched.  I found some other shoes to switch it up this week with walking and I thought it helped.  Today nothing is helping.  I really hope it's not a wart.  

I guess anxiety is getting the better of me today.  Trying to push it away, swat it away and it keeps rearing it's ugly head.  

I do feel kind of lonely today.  I wish I could sit and talk to someone today.  I know I can talk to my mom.  Maybe someone closer in age might help.  Corinne is traveling with her husband, I think.  I know they had one trip planned.

Maybe Precious will talk to me.  We're the same age in cat years, aren't we?

I feel like I'm so guarded with people.  I don't like that. It's like all the bad people make me wary of other's kindness.  I think I need to hold up a sign Looking for a Friend but Don't use me.  

Yeah.  That won't work.

This bad feeling will pass.  And hopefully the headache.  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Dark Things

I sometimes wonder about this when I'm in a brooding mood about how I got treated at a low time in my life.  Or lowest. Would people have been relieved if I just died?   Really.  I have thought the answer was yes.  I'm not talking about my family. I am talking about those who made their discomfort known to me.   They could have had some fake ceremony and a moment of silence.  There wouldn't have been a funeral so they could have forgotten about that part.  They would have excelled at pretending to care about my life if I wasn't here. Then, I had to go do something stupid and survive.  How do we deal with that?  My mentor even mentioned to me, well, you know, none of us have dealt with someone being sick.  Oh, should I get a fucking manual for that?  Excuse the F bomb but that was warranted. When I got my schedule for radiation therapy, I had wanted to talk to my manager about it and find out if it was ok.  I had gotte...
Read more

Too Peopley

I sat in a zoom meeting when my sound was out and I noticed one of the other assistants had a T-shirt on that said It's Too Peopley outside. I wanted to ask her where she got it.  Ironically I guessed correctly to one of her responses to the questionnaire we got that asked what do you hope to do someday and she answered retire.  I go off vibes at times and that one worked.  I understood how she felt because yeah.  I feel like that. I don't dislike people.  Crowds make me anxious.  I like hitting the stores first thing in the morning because I got room.  I got space.  I can look at stuff without people hitting me with their damn carts.  Anytime I've gone later in the day on a weekend to go do my walk, I wonder where did all these people come from?  There's something peaceful when it's not that many people around. I like seeing people walking their dogs and saying hello.  When it's later in the day, it doesn't seem so enjoyable. I'm l...
Read more

Blue Evening

We took a drive to see a place in Bay View. I was kind of familiar with the address, but I wasn't sure. I found it.  It was not great. According to my Ring alerts, it's near an area with crime.  It was in our price range. I just can't seem to shake this funk I'm in.  
Read more