New Day - I'll Deal

Now that I slept off my angry rant, I feel ok.  Well no trip to Kohls for me. I have shoes. My green Adidas shoes have been the best for my angry left foot and whatever skin irritation I got going on.  I can wait a few months to take a look around until I get past this storm.

I am hoping the Fed cutting interest rates will help me with some of my own payments.  It would make a difference even if it was $6 dollars or $15 dollars for a monthly payment.  I am ashamed of my situation there and frustrated that I'm very close to having something almost paid off and I can't make any progress because my attention has to go elsewhere.  I don't hope for miracles, just some breathing room.

This whole lifestyle thing that they're doing with depositing money at the beginning of the year doesn't sound like much to the average person but feels like a lifeline to help me before I get my tax refund and yearly bonus before the end of February.

It would be nice if I could do more on my time off but nice that I can sleep late.  Nice that I can take the time and listen to my Audible books. I mostly do that on the weekend.  If I go for a walk to the store, I don't think to listen to my book.  I'm in a hurry to get a walk in, do some Shopkicking and get back to work.  I can enjoy more time.  

I can spend some time to message Corinne more in the daytime. I see her messages and I don't always remember to get back to her as soon as I would like.  She's been such a good friend.  She's a good human and has helped me more than she realizes.

I have been cleaning out dresser drawers and trying to get rid of papers I don't need or put papers away.  If things get better in the spring and we're better financially, I want to be prepared if I can find something.

I thought dealing with cancer was tough.  The last year has been soul crushing financially.  It's like everything caught up and crashed on us.  I am failing miserably, but I'm holding on.  I guess I can tell myself that.  

I kind of wish I would get overtime this fall.  Last year, someone left and I couldn't have been happier for both reasons.  I'll call her the rude racist.  She could be super friendly one minute and the next insult you the second.  Liar, mean girl and just made stuff up randomly.  She had texted me one day that she had been accused of racism. I wish she would have lost my number.  Do I think she's racist?  I don't know.  Do I think she's ignorant with her comments?  Yeah, I really do.  She mocked the way that I talked and said you can tell she's from the Midwest.  That made me not want to ever speak again.  I would cringe when she would message me because she always wanted to talk.  She would keep me on a call for 30 minutes or more.  I was glad when the lurker started because she found her soulmate.  One time, my mom left for a walk and came back and saw that the old rude racist still had me on a call.  I just shrugged to my mom because I didn't know what to do.  It was a relief when she suddenly quit on the spot.  I'm not sure if that's the case but I don't care.  She was gone and gone.  And we got overtime which helped.  Sometimes it's offered if there's another group struggling.  It's a rare thing but it's a beautiful thing.   It really helped last fall.

I'm going to head out and get my walk in.  I'll be ok.  I have to keep telling myself that.  It'll be ok.  I can do this. 

At least nobody will hear me scream by Lake Michigan, will they?   

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