What my world needs now

 Is love.  Yes, it's a Dionne Warwick song.  I heard it last night watching a video on Instagram.  I tortured myself watching a video tribute on someone who died recently.  Yes, it's Shannen Doherty.  Yes, it made me sad.  I know!  Why?  Why am I doing this?  I kind of hated her character on 90210.

I identify what she went through.  It wasn't the same experiences or treatment, but the feelings she had were similar to mine at times. 

The people that were there for her was not the same for me.  I really was on my own.  I thought about Cassie tonight.  It's been about 2 months since I got her 2 sentence message?  I know people move on.  I thought I had a better friendship that what it really was.  Doing a duty and bye Felicia to me, I guess.  

I wish I had kept in touch with Corinne after she left years earlier.  I had confided in her when I had my first scare and she left the following year.  

Why didn't I keep in touch?  Ok, Corinne felt like she had no choice to leave.  There were some not so nice people there that made sure to report her every chance they had.  When she left, she had posted on her social media to someone that she got pushed out.  She was right at the time.  Someone who shouldn't have been looking looked at her page with another parasite and they commented on it to me.  It made me afraid to be friends with her on her page.  It sounds so stupid, but it's weird what social media has done to us.  I felt like I was in the mafia and it sounds so awful. I still horrible guilt and I feel like an A-hole for admitting it.  Covid freed me in so many ways.  I am so sorry I didn't reach out to Corinne earlier. I liked her and my heart broke when she left.  I really lost my last ally when she drove off.  I'm so glad that I have her now even though she lives a few hours away.  At least it's someone that can make me laugh like Trump and the sanitary pad on his ear that's attached to his melon head.  

I am a little blue with my family gone. I am very glad to see Miss Precious prancing out more.  Homegirl got tuna tonight so she's good.  Still hasn't sat with me yet.  I'm still in the doghouse.  Or is it cathouse?   I was hoping to see my niece more, glad to see Charlotte but I'm probably old and boring to her.  I know she wasn't feeling great so hope she's doing better.  

I see my oncologist next week.  Gee, I wonder if that adds to my anxiety at the moment?  I'm sure it'll be fine, but it's never anything I feel great about.

I need a sign from the universe and let it be a little love because I'm feeling kind of sad.

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