To the Women that make my life harder

 I have had a lifetime of backstabbing women step on me to make themselves look good. I have tried to stick up for myself and get gaslit where I was made out to be the problem.  Happened with Betsy.  She would ruin to my manager's office with the door closed and not make eye contact with me when she came out and then I would get an email about something I forgot to do. When I had my show down with Betsy, I had to say I sit across from you, Why can't you tell me these things?  Why can't you talk to me?  I have tried endlessly to try to work things out.  Then I would hear her say she's afraid of me.

No, she wasn't afraid of me.  She was a coward and probably still is.  She's the perfect example of what I've dealt with all of my working life.  Go point out something to make yourself look better.  How pathetic.  Anyone ever think that maybe if I do something good that I might need a break?  That maybe it would help me if I got a compliment?  No.

I poured my heart out to Frick over my health troubles and when I got to work with someone she wanted to do, she repeatedly found ways to get me into trouble or say snarky things.  I had gotten a call one day from my mom.  She had taken the bus home from Wal-Mart and she left her prescription on the bus.  She was beside herself.  She was upset, frantic and crying.  I have no family here to help me.  I'm at work and I don't know how to make this right.  I said we'll call the bus company and track it down.  When I got off the phone, I was headed out the door to go to the parking lot.  Frick asked me if I was ok and I said no. I told her my mom lost her prescription and she's crying.  She started to say, Oh, I'm so sorry. I said you can save that crap.  YOU WANT MY LIFE?  YOU CAN HAVE IT! I walked out, sat in my car and broke down.  Sobbed.  I want to trust people.  I want to have female friendships.  All I've gotten from women is backstabbing bullshit.  Liars, bitches and women trying to get me fired.  Or make me look bad.  

When I came back in, Frick tried to make it right. I said I'm just fine. You go sit at your desk.  She tried to put her hand on my back and I stepped away.  Lying bitch.  Still lying. 

Today someone emailed me that I used to deal with in my everyday life.  She's from a different state but she was someone I would ask questions and I lost touch when things changed for me.  I felt so sad when I heard from her today.  She wanted to keep in touch and I said I would like that a lot. I am so sad today about all the women that have hurt me.  Same women who would say they didn't like Hillary and Kamala.  I was never friends with the lurker but I'm so tired of that person stabbing me in the back and when I try to point it out?  Nobody listens.  

I am really thankful for Corinne.  I really wished I would have kept in touch after she left.  She got pushed out by Betsy.  Betsy put a knife in her back.  I could never bring up that person to Corinne because I understand the trauma.  I am so glad when I hear from Corinne.

I would never hurt another woman. I would help anyone who wanted my help.  I really haven't had that much for me.

Then there's Cassie.  I trained her and she said that she didn't sign up for this job to be just a legal assistant and talked about me when I didn't embrace her shitty attitude.  Her comments made me feel like nothing so I shied away.  I had to listen to someone tell me that she thought I smelled when I came back from my walk and that I was an unhappy person.  I got over my hurt pride and worked with her.  Then I became good enough to be her friend and I thought maybe we did have a friendship when she showed up to take me for my biopsy and my surgery. She looked uncomfortable when I came out after my first surgery but kept asking me about my sister.  She seemed more enthralled with her at times which I get it.  I see now maybe I was her charity case.  I haven't heard from her in months.   This friendship really upsets me too.  It wasn't as close as I thought and I feel foolish for thinking otherwise.

I am so over mean and cruel women who have to constantly step on others.  I don't miss the office and at least I can cry at home and not in the parking lot.