Understanding Me

 I did hear from my friend Ethan.  Ok, 1 out of 3 isn't bad, is it?  He gave great restaurant suggestions for my niece and sister and gave me a little hope that if we look for a rental in the area, it's good neighborhoods.  Ethan and his brother were good friends to me when we went to college and kind of like my brothers from another mother.  I never had the pleasure to meet his lovely wife or his kids, but I'm happy for him when I see their pictures.  

Mo, I might hear from in a few months.  She was a social butterfly back then and still looks like it hasn't changed.  Cassie?  I'm not sure but I'm ok with whatever happens.

See this is what I would like from my "imaginary man friend/comfort friend" understand when it comes to me.  I'll go through 50 different explanations on why something will go wrong.  It would be my wish that person would smile, let me talk about it and say, "It'll be ok."  Because in the end, it'll be ok.

When I said that this person does too much, I mean listen to me or has to read my long texts.  That can be a lot, in my opinion.  Or doesn't roll their eyes when I'm talking.  You know, there's an eye roll that you can do and laugh at something that someone says.  Then there's the eye roll where you're not in on it and it's like that person doesn't see you.  I have seen that eye roll and it's really hurtful.  

I picture this person as just having a quiet strength.  You don't expect it because this person is more of an academic but when it comes out, it's like totally hot and super awesome to witness when he gets all protective.  Like Super Nerd.  

And he's that person that will show up when you don't expect him to show up.  Like on a bad day.  He shows up and may not be able to spend a lot of time, but he wants a little time with you.

It's a nice dream when I have those thoughts.  That's where my mind drifts off to some days.  A kinder and more peaceful place.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Way Past My Bedtime

 I crashed before Reverend Raphael Warnock's speech.  The power of DVR saved me. I watched it this morning right up to the point where I had to sign in.  It was fantastic.   Hillary was great.  My mom was crying.  It meant a lot to her to have Hillary win that election and she was crushed. I was crushed.  She always fan girls over Hillary.  It was hard for me to decide in 2008 do I go with Barack or Hillary?  She gave a phenomenal speech. I had to watch Joe this morning.  No, I didn't cry like I usually did.  I got a little teary eyed when his daughter finished her speech and introduced him.  That nice man made sure his little boys had a dad that came home every night after they lost their mom and baby sister.  He took his oath of office by their bedsides.  He got a second chance with Jill and having a daughter.  He's such a good human.  Yeah, he looks 81.  He lit that stage on fire with a torch....
Read more

The Dark Things

I sometimes wonder about this when I'm in a brooding mood about how I got treated at a low time in my life.  Or lowest. Would people have been relieved if I just died?   Really.  I have thought the answer was yes.  I'm not talking about my family. I am talking about those who made their discomfort known to me.   They could have had some fake ceremony and a moment of silence.  There wouldn't have been a funeral so they could have forgotten about that part.  They would have excelled at pretending to care about my life if I wasn't here. Then, I had to go do something stupid and survive.  How do we deal with that?  My mentor even mentioned to me, well, you know, none of us have dealt with someone being sick.  Oh, should I get a fucking manual for that?  Excuse the F bomb but that was warranted. When I got my schedule for radiation therapy, I had wanted to talk to my manager about it and find out if it was ok.  I had gotte...
Read more

So Here's the Weekend

 I was having a wishful thinking moment last night when I was writing my postcards.  I was wishing for my imaginary friend that has shades of Stephen Colbert mixed in to show up and go for a walk on this humid July night.  We would talk and maybe check out the food trucks that were at the Farmer's Market last night.  Maybe they would be ok.  Maybe they wouldn't.  We would be getting out of the house and just talking about how our week went for both of us. Maybe we would stop at Pick n' Save and get my mom something she asked for.  He would always know how to talk to my mom and he would be someone she's really comfortable around like Charlie.  We would maybe see Charlie mowing the lawn on his usual Friday night task and talk to him. He might have plans with his kids in the morning so we say our good night with a hug or maybe even something else.  No, I'm not going salacious here.  Get your mind out of the gutter.  Maybe we'd see each...
Read more