Sharing is Caring

Back in the early aughts when I thought I was going to move to San Diego and live with an idiot, we had talked about what we do.  Harold thought I should be in charge of the money which was a bad idea since I'm not that great, but apparently he thought I had a lot of it.  One of the many flags I should have seen flying in front of me and upside down - still can't get over Judge Alioto's wife chasing and spitting at cars, but I digress, Harold asked me how much I made.  I was relatively new at my job and he thought I was a millionaire.  I think he kind of looked at me like I was going to bankroll for him for everything.  I made $12.00 an hour.  I wasn't bankrolling myself but at the time, it was ok.

It was my hope that he could have found something stable and gotten an apartment.  It was my hope that he could have helped me with moving across country and I don't mean to bankroll it. I mean come to Milwaukee and help me.  It was a naive thought.  I think he expected that I would get the place, he would mooch off of me and probably left me.  He definitely would have once he found out I had cancer.  I might not have the good medical care that I do now.  I don't want to leave the Milwaukee area.  I'm fine with the most part but I'm extremely happy with the people I see for medical.  I don't know if I would have had that in a different state. 

I had hoped that we would have worked as a team. I knew we wouldn't have had a lot of money but we would have had each other.  Yeah, that was dumb thinking on my part. I see that now too many years later, but that's kind of my thought of a marriage or a partnership.  Leaning on each other and being that support system.

About 13 years ago, one of our paralegals got fired and walked out.  It was devastating to all of us and kind of a shock for me because this was such a solid place that I never dreamed it would have happened.  It did.  We had someone that spent her days on Match.com and met her husband who had a big old retirement party.  She spent her days talking dirty on the phone. I know, because I sat across from the old whore.  Anyway, we were all kind of stunned and nobody knew what to say.  Corinne was close to that person and was just so tearful and worried she was next.  Then Cassie announces to me, I don't have to work.  My husband said I could quit.  Well, say hello to me when I'm at Dollar Tree and there's the door.  It was such a bad thing to say and rub in someone's face when all of us were worried about our own fate.

By the end of the day, Cassie and myself got called into a separate room by the mentor we worked with and he wanted to reassure us that he was there for us and we'd get through this time together as a team.  Cassie didn't appear so happy and she said obviously she didn't marry well because she's in my boat.  Aw, that's so sweet.  I'm going to guess that if she wanted to buy Coach and Kate Spade purses and help fund her kids college education, she might need to stick on.  I thought it was crummy and still think it's crummy to put all the financial stress on one person.

For the life of me, don't get me started on the ridiculous amount of money people waste on weddings.  I think most of the pictures I see when people celebrate their anniversaries belong on Awkward Family Photos.  If you got to have a certain type of napkin for a day event, you need to go audition to become a Real Housewife because that's messed up.  

I think of Corinne and the wedding pictures she had posted.  They got married at the courthouse and had a nice lunch.  I see family.  I see Corinne in a beautiful pant suit and matching hat in a nice seafoam green.  I see her husband all dressed up in a nice suit.  I see love.  I see a marriage.  I don't see something that belongs on Bridezillas.  

Life is hard enough.  If someone makes more money, it shouldn't be on them to pay for everything.  I never really had any money and yet, somehow I wound up paying for my relationships because they were either saving for grad school or just an idiot.  I guess that makes me an idiot, doesn't it?  I would want to find a way to contribute and pay my way or find a way to make life easier for that person, like I don't know, vacuum the house more or buy beer because their job stresses them out.  I'd use my money for the beer, mind you.  I can't afford a good brand, but if it makes their lives less stressful, I'll do what I can.

I would have liked a partnership in my lifetime.  All I got to be was a Human ATM.