Here's To Tuesday

 Let it not be a Monday kind of day. I have a meeting later in the day with the group I work with the most.  That makes me nervous because it will involve feedback. I think it'll be ok, but after about 10 plus years of someone always putting me down, I'm always a little apprehensive about any type of feedback.  I figure my eye will start twitching and my face will turn red.

The monster and his girlfriend appears that they might be gone for a week.  I am guessing it is his relative that is taking care of the dogs.  I noticed a few surprises in the lawn.  What did their mom teach them about cleaning up after themselves?  Ok to use the grass as their public bathroom?  I see people walking with their dogs and a little bag on the weekends and I think so is that what people do?  Clean up after their dogs?  How strange after seeing the brown brown grass of West Allis for almost 4 years.  Pigs.

I feel bad for my mom who is feeling kind of scared of the monster. I have gone through that as well.  When we caught him in the basement with a man back in November, he was combative with my mom and seemed to delight that we were upset.  When he took the dogs out, I was charging my phone and happened to see him looking up and giving me a menacing smile that he was going to get me when I least expected it.  That was a horrible night. I pretended I didn't see him and walked out of the room.  I actually did speak to a West Allis cop who treated me like a hysterical female. I filed a report but I didn't ask them not to do anything.  The first person I spoke to was nice when I broke down in tears.  Corinne told me she used to have a scanner when she lived in West Allis and the cops in the area didn't pose a sympathetic ear to people of color.  

It appears that a relationship may be ending in my life.  No response from Cassie after I thanked her for my mom's card. I noticed that when I sign into my messenger to see if my message disappeared, I'll see the green light for her account is on and then it appears to disappear after about a minute.  Is it a coincidence?  I don't know. I think it's been a long time coming.  I think of my mom telling me that See?  You have a friend after Cassie told me she would take me for surgery all those years ago.  I'm not mad at my mom, but I think nobody should feel obligated because I'm having a bad time.  This goes back to my dad treating me like an obligation.  It makes me defensive of people and reluctant to accept help.  I want people that are open and honest and don't play games, especially social media games.  That's so stupid.  Really makes me feel like I'm in the fifth grade and I didn't get invited to someone's sleepover.

Oh, what will I do once Trump's trial is over?  Hopefully not start a drinking problem if he doesn't get convicted.  Yeah, I do worry that it will be a hung jury. I know we'll have to take it to the voting booth come November.  I would like to see conviction.  To paraphrase Nancy Pelosi, it won't look good on his resume.

Here's to a good day for the good humans.  Here's to a day that won't seem so chaotic for me.  I fall under the trying human.