Friday Night and Doing Nothing

 Well watching Maggie Haberman on CNN.  I read Confidence Man about a year and a half ago. Good journalist. I like her little cat eye glasses and serious tone.  

Today I filled out feedback on the student who colored my hair. I gave 4 out of 5 stars and wrote my explanation for the rating.  I don't want to be that person who complained over one bad moment.  The thing is, there's a chance I could get this student again and I didn't want to see her again.  She made me feel bad.  

I was maybe a few shots from freedom last year and I was feeling fatigued from getting a shot in my stomach.  I was upset about Precious and the vet, my mom's eyesight, it just seemed like things were continuing to go downhill.  It was a very nice nurse that I had gotten who was maybe a little chattier than I could handle.  She hit a blood vessel and apparently I gushed blood.  I wasn't upset.  I have been a human pin cushion for years so new day, new problems. Another nurse helped and I said I start trouble everywhere I go I guess.  The chatty nurse was wondering why that happened and asked my questions about pills I take, like do I take blood thinners?  I said no, I don't.  I realized that I had taken an Excedrin and I know that can be a problem, how I don't know and she took a look at me like she figured out I was the problem.  As soon as I hit that parking garage, I could have flooded the garage with my tears.  It was just enough.  I thought, I'm too sensitive.  It was nothing.  She was asking questions.  Just like the hair stylist lecturing me yesterday.

I spoke to a medical assistant two months later and told her everything that had been going on.  She knew about the monster downstairs and her comments made me laugh.  When I told her what had happened about me feeling like I got blamed for what happened a couple of months earlier, she made sure to let me know it wasn't me and that I won't be dealing with that person for the last shot.  

I'm having an Am I too sensitive about people?  Am I the problem?  I think I let a lot of things go and I let it fester.  I also think that sometimes we need to say to someone, that's not ok.  I don't want to be treated like that.  

Back in college, my college boyfriend and I had a couples night where we played Pictionary with Margo and her boyfriend.  I was terrible at Pictionary but it appeared that my boyfriend and Margo could get each other's clues and were high fiving each other about how smart they were.  It was really annoying and at one point I said do you all want to switch partners?

I got a talking to about my mouth and how I'm embarrassing.  Well maybe going down sarcasm road wasn't my best route, but the whole high fiving and laughing about how smart they were while ignoring their significant others was really hurtful.  It just wasn't ok.

I'm not hurt that he made me feel bad about Pictionary. I always told myself at least I don't jump and down and consider that dancing.  Or dress like MC Hammer.   Ignoring me and complimenting someone's intelligence in front of me just seemed not ok. 

I get tired of the Oh let it go, that's just the way they are.  An asshole?  I'm not ok with how I've been treated and I don't want it to continue. I'm not going to go stand on a table with a sign that says Respect me, but I want things to be better.  

I'll be off to the east library tomorrow and get my holds - Bakari Sellers new book and Corinne recommended Sarah Cooper. I could use a laugh although I have been getting plenty with the news today like someone getting a probation officer.   I used to mute that orange nut bag but now it seems kind of funny like a incoherent uncle who got into grandma's whiskey.  

I shouldn't laugh.  He could be President and I'll be in jail with all the MSNBC hosts.


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