Definition of Overwhelmed

 If you looked it up in the dictionary, you would find my picture.

As I was thinking about what I should do this morning, I could feel my heart racing and this feeling of panic of what I should do first.

How about take it easy?  That would be a start.

I heard a lot from people during my medical trials and errors, "Oh, you're so strong and brave."  That's the worst platitude.

No, I'm not.  I've been riding the struggle bus for so many years and I feel like the bus is going up in flames on me half the time.  

I do what I have to do for survival.

And if anything good has happened for me?  There's been a lot of sweat, tears, panic, hard work that's gone into it. 

I told the very sweet attorney I worked for to not praise me in any meeting.  I'm going to get the two other assistants mad at me and they'll do something to me, like find a mistake and report me.  She thought it was terrible, you do good work, why shouldn't you get recognized?  I said that's how it is.  I'll wind up having something done to me.

That's how it's been.  If something good is happened, someone finds a way to ruin it.  I haven't had a lot of wins in life and when I have?  Someone has found a way to sabotage it.

I am feeling kind of worried about my neighbor being here this summer.  Worried he will pick the locks and run up the energy bill again.  I saw him take his girlfriend with her car to her job.  How nice of him.  The car normally sits here all day when he does that.  

I need a sign that things are going to be ok.  It can go up in flames tomorrow, but it would really be nice if I saw that cartoon bluebird come out.  

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