The Bully in Disguise

 It was 11 years ago.  

What's a name of someone who seems innocent and really isn't?  I'm going to go with Betsy.  Sweet innocent looking Betsy who started with us and everyone fell in love with her and her sweet demeanor.  I actually worked with her on a case at her old firm and she was really nice.  I was excited that she was joining us.  I wasn't on the same team with her but happy that she was sitting across from me. 

She had just had her second baby and wanted a job that would allow her to spend time with her family.  We all adored her and she was so kind to my friend when she started.

Things cracked.  Betsy was not happy with my friend's work.  My friend really wasn't happy at the time.  I think she lost her way for the last few years and had enough.  Betsy was determined to drive her out and she succeeded.  I was puzzled by the situation.  I knew my friend was set in her ways and maybe did things the way she liked them but I reminded Betsy of this woman's time here and what she contributed.  Betsy even made my friend cry.  She wound up retiring due to the pressure that Betsy caused.  I thought maybe it was best that my friend had moved on.

On my friend's last day, I walked her out to her car and she apologized for how she was the last few years. I told her go be happy and hugged her.  When I came back inside, Betsy glared at me and said i suppose this is my fault.  It was my friend's last day.  She worked there a long time and within a year of Betsy being there, she was gone. I said let her be happy.  She's moving on and so should you.

Betsy moved on alright. She moved onto me.

I didn't see it right away, but Betsy got reassigned to my group within a couple of months.  In that time, Betsy lost her mother and was out for a week.  I texted Betsy every day and said I'm here for you.  I'm so sorry.

When Betsy came back to work, everyone catered to her.  We all felt bad.  But then Betsy started doing things and saying things about how we should do our work.  It felt like a control thing.  I would say Well that's how we do things.  I had been there 10 years longer than Betsy.  I didn't say it but I thought how we were doing things were just fine.  It wasn't.  She snapped at me a few times and I asked someone higher up for help.  I said I'm not sure if it's grief but I feel like I don't know what to say.

Little did I realize that Betsy was complaining about me and I received an email that I was the problem as well and to fix things.  I pulled Betsy aside and apologized for not talking to her directly.  I said I wasn't sure how to approach our problems because of her losing her mother.  She said I seemed angry and hostile which surprised me.  She acted meek and afraid of me which made me feel awful.  I said please tell me if I make you feel bad.  I said I want to work things out between us if there's a problem.

I should have remembered what she had said to my friend Corinne.  She had made Corinne cry and told her that she was horrible to Betsy.  There was a side of Betsy that worried me.  She had also gotten into a fight with another co-worker when someone asked to work with Betsy and the person she replaced wasn't happy with her.  I wasn't there that day but Betsy told me proudly that she screamed at the woman.  I should have realized that there were red flags flying around me and I didn't see it until a few months later.

I thought things were fine until I received an email about something I did.  I had mailed something out or I should someone higher up on our team mailed something out and Betsy needed to verify some information. I only issued the check and gave it to the person.  Betsy had gotten in my face that morning and told me that she called the office to put the check on hold.  I had gotten an email from our manager telling me not to do that again.  Then I saw that Betsy had forwarded that same email to the person who mailed the check out.  She had been blind carbon copied.

I was going to face the same fate as Corinne.  It was all crashing down on me at that moment. I knew she did blind carbon copies with Corinne about her work and I realized she might have been doing it with me.  I thought I'm gone.  I'm going to be gone.  Betsy wanted me gone and for the last few months I had thought everything was fine.  I felt like such a failure that I couldn't stop crying that morning. I went to talk to someone and asked them if they would give me a referral because I thought I need to find a new job.  Betsy was driving me out.  I guess Betsy saw me in that person's office.  I went to lunch early and pulled myself together. I thought I have to get through this.  I just have to.  I had to leave early that day and when I said something to Betsy she wouldn't look at me.  She turned her back on me and I just walked out.  She wouldn't talk to me for 3 days.

I kind of kept to myself after that.  I was shocked at what happened.  Betsy had even given me a referral for a dermatologist that she went to. I thought everything was fine and yes, I did cancel that appointment with the dermatologist she recommended.  I just did what I could and tried to get through each day.  I started sending out resumes.

I had made an appointment with my doctor like a month in advance. I was having problems with headaches and I thought I should see her.  I got an email back about letting my team members know.  It was kind of stern and I thought what brought this on for a moment.  I knew.

I had a couple of days off planned and I had emailed two of the higher ups on my team. I hadn't talked to Betsy yet but one of the higher ups let Betsy know. I sent the email on a late Friday afternoon. I was going to talk to Betsy on Monday morning.  By then, Betsy was already in management's office talking about me.

I approached Betsy and asked her if she was upset with me.  She flipped the script and painted me as the villain and was bullying her.  I couldn't believe it. I said I thought she was upset with me about the mistake I made and I've been afraid of her in all honesty.  She then confessed her daughter had been spitting on people and was stressed out.

So I felt like I got spit on in return.  She complained that I hadn't told her I was taking time off.  I said it's Monday morning and I'm out Thursday and Friday. I told her that I had told our two attorneys because if they had checks that needed to be issued, I wanted them to get it in order so they didn't ask her. I said it was my intent to talk to her this morning but she wasn't at her desk.  I was also helping out in the mailroom. I asked her to please give me more of a chance and not to be so quick to assume something is wrong.  I tried talking to my manager and it seemed like Betsy was telling more stories about me because I got a very cold attitude towards me.

I was going to put on trial the next morning in a meeting.  I had to fight for my life.  I had to do a sit down with Betsy and two managers about the issues going on.  It was my worst nightmare.

I did my best to defend myself the next morning.  I went into the meeting early and lo and behold, Betsy followed me.  I made small talk with her until the managers showed up. I thought why are we doing this?  I was offended that I was being told that I'm causing a problem.  Betsy had screamed at a woman, she made Corinne cry and drove her to retirement, couldn't anyone see that maybe there was a pattern?  No, I was on trial. I pointed out how she wouldn't talk to me for 3 days and she said that I scared her because I cried and she thought I was going to yell at her.  That was ridiculous and anyone who knows me knows I don't do that.  I wanted to stick up for myself more but I was walking a delicate line.  I kind of felt like one manager believed me and warned Betsy when she would call me names. I think one manager believed Betsy was the victim and wasn't sure what to believe, even though I had been there a lot longer.  It was humiliating and we both got asked if we wanted to take this recommended book on getting along with others. I said I would take it not to be a kiss up but I thought if it helped me figure out this insane situation, I was open to it.  Betsy never said a word.

I said in my final words, I can't fix something if you don't tell me, Betsy. I have made an effort more than once to talk to you and then I get blind sided that there's a problem.  Both managers asked Betsy if she could meet me halfway and she said she didn't know.  She was afraid of me.  When I said I'm not a scary person, she told me that's not true, I yell at other people. 

I have never yelled at anyone.  We were all helping out in the mailroom when our person was out.  There were three of us who helped more than others and I was probably annoyed with the complaining and the incessant questions about why everyone had to help.  I made the comment I don't give a crap when someone said they were worried about where I was.  It was a lie for starters.  They were worried that they would be stuck with folding the mail so my flippant comment turned me into a Disney villain for that.  I thought not much I could say other than that's not what I meant. I never yelled and I apologized for my sarcastic mouth.  

Betsy brought up that I grabbed a filing basket we shared and slammed it on my desk one day.  That I could argue after she told the managers about how I stomped over to an empty cubicle where we kept our filing and kept it at my desk. I said that never happened and you weren't at your desk when I took the filing back so how do you know if I slammed anything?  She complained and complained and after I got the email about one of my mistakes and realized that Betsy was maybe reporting me, I thought I need to take this back.

I made it out of the meeting being badly beat up.  I heard Betsy tell one of her friends that me taking the book on getting along with others wasn't going to help me.  Not with her, obviously.  I went to lunch and drowned my sorrows in a root beer.

We were starting a new group where I had an opportunity to break away from Betsy.  That was my only hope because I wasn't getting anywhere with my job search.  Within a couple of months, I was going to be free from Betsy or start to be free.  There was going to be a new hire that would maybe not fail her like I did.  

When this new hire did join Betsy, this hire was kind of rude to me when I tried to transition over to my new role.  Betsy and her new flunkie, we'll call her Amy got together they spent a lot of their time whispering.  I thought well, she got what she wanted.  She got rid of me but she had to sit by me.  Amy even gave her Christmas presents. Unreal.

That was the thing with Betsy. Everyone babied Betsy because she was the struggling mom who lost her mom.  I would watch people give her clothes for her kids, give her food when we had left overs.  It was disgusting.  

Just when I thought that I was done with Betsy, I had started the next year off with Betsy coming in for the morning and not looking at me or talking to me.  We were no longer working together and we were at a civil place, I thought, until she stopped talking and would turn her body the other way so she could avoid looking at me.  

I had a weird feeling something was up and when I saw her in a manager's office, I thought it's about me again.  She won't be happy until I'm gone.  The next day another manager joined Betsy in this manager's office and when Betsy came out, she had a piece of paper and started to talk to me.  I'm going to guess that she had gotten a warning.

Betsy wound up causing more problems for other people.  She showed repeatedly that she can't get along with anyone.  She eventually turned on her loyal servant, Amy.  Thanks to her, I wound up with the worst review I ever had because of her slandering me.

This was actually the first job where I had a sense of confidence and felt good about myself.  That got taken away.  I had to walk on eggshells not just with Betsy but with others who if you said the wrong thing, you were dead.  They were going to find a way to make you look like you were in the wrong.  I just felt really worthless a lot of days. I kept my head down and just wanted to stay out of anyone's crosshairs.  

The funny thing is, people still catered to Betsy and felt so bad for her.  Her and I got to a better place with our communication and getting along.  I was reminded of who she was many times but like Frick and Frack, I needed to keep her at arm's length. When she found out three years after I had my cancer diagnosis, she apologized for being a bitch to me. 

One of our higher ups told me it was hard for someone like Betsy because she's a mom and she's stressed out  His wife had a lot of stress. I said did your wife try to get someone fired too?

I'll never complain about a working mom.  My mom, my sister, my niece all worked as moms. It's hard as F for them or was for them.  I'm not ok with someone like Betsy pulling the mom card to bully someone.  I wasn't there to be her punching bag.  She was a high maintenance child. That was her problem.

She caused an immense amount of stress the year before where I almost left.  If I had taken a job somewhere else, I might have put my doctor appointments off for awhile, not for long. I might not have had the benefits I had with this job.  I don't forgive her and I would definitely like to forget her.

I lost what little confidence I had.  I became smaller and I didn't feel comfortable talking as much as I did.  She made me feel like I wasn't allowed to stand out and yet, I sat there and watched people baby her like she was so sad.  I think of Corinne crying when she worked with Betsy and I feel so horrible.  Betsy was a rotten person and probably is still a rotten person.  Spoiled and selfish.

Frick knew that Betsy had left the company and didn't want to tell me where she went.  I said why would I want to be in contact with her?  She tried to ruin my life so I'm good.  I was just curious. She had apparently gotten hired somewhere and then pushed out.  Frick wouldn't tell me where Betsy went.

As long as she never comes back in my life, I'm ok.