Seeing the Sun

 I have lamented on a lot of wrongs that have happened.  I have felt like I have needed to get some of this stuff out on paper or somewhere I didn't think it would be seen (sorry to the random reader who gets depressed reading a post)  I needed an outlet to get it out without being judged or having the negativity explode in me.  

Do I dwell on negativity lane?  Oh, yeah.  I visit and feel crummy afterwards  I don't want to hang out there even if the snacks are way better. 

I do get over things like in the case of Harold.  I was horrified to have someone dump at my lowest like the way he did.  I just thought life is never going to get better for me.  It's the end for me.  

I don't know what happened, it was maybe not quite a year after getting diagnosed that I woke up and didn't feel so bad.  I had just gone for an appointment and I was told to come back in 6 months instead of 3.  It was a nice day and when I came outside, it felt like everything was going to be ok.  I thought you bad bitch, you got through this on your own.  You're tougher than Wonder Woman damn it.

I've had some dark days in this last year.  I have good moments and definitely beyond bad.  I want to see the sun.  I really do.  I want to feel like it's ok.  It's my hope that I can see the sun again.

I just won't look directly into it.  That might be bad for my eyes.

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