Dear People Who brag too much on social media

 First up, you're a bunch of jerks.  If you think we all get delighted by your latest post of going to yoga class with your other jerky friends in your tight leotard, we regret turning our computers on when we see that crap.

We also don't want to hear how great your 400 pound attorney husband is because he protects you for the goddess that you are.  He's 400 pounds, he can protect a lot of people.  And although I love my fried chicken and have a love of sweets, I would never bully a woman online for a comment like your husband did to me.  If that was my 400 pound husband, I would not want him starting fights on Facebook with other women.  And for the love of all, I don't need to see you, your daughter and definitely not your husband in 80 pictures that involve swimsuits and exposed body parts.  Ever hear of that Photoshare thing that you can send to a picture frame and share amongst yourselves?  Please do.  Facebook doesn't need to your butt crack in Florida.  Or Greece.  Or at the Dells.

We definitely do not want to see your girls shopping at Victoria's Secret.  We don't want to know you shop at Victoria's Secret.  It's ok to be proud of your kids but if I have to see one more picture of you and your perfect daughters posing in front of a yogurt shop, I'm going to lose my ever loving mind.  And please tell your kids to quit sticking their lips out like the Kardashians.  I'm not a parent but I'm going to say they're not exactly good role models for young girls.

If you take one vacation and you want to share, that's fine.  If you take 3 vacations, and want to share, please keep the pictures under 50.  For each vacation.  Most people can't afford the gas to go to Cudahy.  You are a major asshole if you got to have to do that repeatedly year after year.  And I don't want to see you in a jaunty hat to show off while you're on holiday, I don't want to see it  unless you're my 4 year old grand niece showing off her easter hat.  

It's ok to share a nice family photo and wish people a Happy Easter or a Merry Christmas, but please remember that not everyone wants to see you playing Tic Tac Toe with Aunt Betty or your mashed potatoes online.  Sometimes people don't get to see their families or they are estranged from them or they find your mashed potatoes gross and really stupid.  I ate a Reeses peanut butter egg today.  I'm not showing it on Instagram.  I ate it.  Go get your own.

We definitely don't want to see you acting like a fool at the Pink concert or Harry Styles concert with all of your gal pals or kids.  And the only man who ever looked good in women's clothing is Flip Wilson and Lenny Kravitz. 

I do want to see your pet pictures.  I know people may have been annoyed with some of mine, I try to refrain my cat's cuteness and keep it to themselves.  I'm ok with people showing excessive pictures of their pets because they're not jerks like people. I don't want to see a dog or cat party.  That's some stupid crap and I definitely don't want to see that type of party or I'll call animal cruelty.

Most of all, realize that by you sharing all aspects of your life that are positive and happy and in an overabundance might be ruining other people's mental health.  Someone's perception of your life may make someone feel like they are failing at life because they don't have a family who is full of smiles and they're not going to rock concerts all the time or going on trips overseas.   You may think that you're just sharing memories, but you're appearing to be a shallow and kind of an arrogant person.  Life is messy and when you paint it with a sunny brush all the time, it gives this unrealistic expectation for others.

And someone may say Well it's my Facebook page and I'm proud of my kids and I want to show people my vacation pictures.  It's ok to be proud of your family, but social media is becoming like vacation slides.  People just want to step away from you. 

Sharing less is more.  Share amongst yourselves is more meaningful.

I'm becoming more and more private about a lot of things.  No, it's not because my life is a dumpster fire but I almost feel like if I had something positive, I think I know one person who would jump on it and ask questions.  More like be nosy.  I want to live my life and not post it on Facebook or Instagram.  If some brave soul ever wanted to be in a friendship with relationship potential, that's between us and nobody else.  Stay out of my business.  After having my medical information exposed to people who relished in hurting me and taking delight in my pain, it's made me more protective of my life.  

Besides, if I want to advertise anything, when my neighbor goes to jail, I'll buy a billboard to let everyone know the criminal is gone.


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