The Lying Hippie - Left in an Airport

 Before I share the tale of how I got left at the airport at my fourth and final trip to San Diego, there are a few things I wanted to clear up.

When Harold proclaimed to me that he felt I had to live up to my expectations, that was a joke.  I never talked about family and marriage when I met him.  I wanted love and if that meant that I had a solid partner, I would have been happy with that.  I did want something, but I was never that woman that said I want kids, my clock was ticking so hurry up.  Yeah, I knew my window was closing, but I never brought it up.  I hate it when someone paints me as this demanding diva woman.  I never placed any expectations on any man and I definitely got less than that in return.  It was insulting whenever I heard that. 

Harold's fixation on music was a sore point for me.  Harold had been in a band years ago and they had done well in the San Diego area but he fought with the other band members and they broke up.  His best friend was married and didn't want to do anymore music.  I made suggestions to focus on song writing or try to find people who might be interested in starting a new band.  He wouldn't listen to me.  

We had bonded over writing. I had spent about 20 years working on writing and trying to get work sold. I had a lot of rejections but I also kept my day job.  I knew how he felt about music but I knew he should maybe get a day job that had insurance so when he cracked a crown, he could get it fixed. My practical ideas didn't fly with him.  He wanted to be a rock star.  Well I wanted to be Nora Ephron.  You don't have to settle and give up.  Maybe find your own niche to give you that joy.  He wanted to help me write the novel I was trying to work on.  It was a book that had flashbacks and when I wrote those scenes, I wanted them to be thoughtful and quiet.  He would send me writing that was dramatic and really over the top.  Sigh.  Drama king.

Harold had gotten a job working third shift at Target.  I stupidly thought he found some focus.  We had talked about him coming to Milwaukee finally at some point.  He did want to come.  He wanted to quit his job and move in with me and my mom.  Oh that wouldn't have worked.  I think he would have gotten along with my mom, she talked to him a few times but I suspected there would have been problems.  He never mentioned getting a job. I mentioned there was a Target in my neighborhood.  I said he should really come to Milwaukee for a visit.  As much as I wanted him to visit, I wasn't ready for him to move in.   I did have some common sense in this situation.  Not a lot but I saw him moving in as a BIG problem.  He thought 50 degree weather was cold in California.  Our winters aren't the worst, but he would have been unhappy.  Somehow I saw him alienating people and pissing people off like my mom.  I couldn't have done it if it was me, I definitely couldn't have done it with her.  

We agreed I would come back in the spring.  Harold had a laptop that he had to "hock" at some store for extra money but he would get it back.  Yeah, I'm thinking that was a big lie too. He had my information this time and told me he would be there at the time and date I told him even though we were losing contact from each other for a few days.

He wasn't there that Saturday.  I had no number to call him which was stupid. I should have had one. I had his parents and I should have called him to tell them their stupid son left me at the airport.  I wandered around, hoping it was a big mistake.  It wasn't.  I knew the hotel provided a shuttle so I called them.

As soon as I got to my room, I called my mom and was hyperventilating and sobbing about what had happened.  I was done.  I was going back to Milwaukee on Monday, I had enough.  I was so angry at myself for everything and thought about the life I missed out wasting my time on him.  I went to bed at 8:00 pm that night and when I woke up that night, I just broke down again.  How could he have done that to me?  

I was going to make the best out of the day ahead of me and go to the zoo. I was going to talk to Expedia when I got back to the hotel and go home the next day.  I was miserable at the zoo.  All I saw at the hotel were happy couples and families and here I am, stranded in a city with nobody and a churro.  I sat outside the zoo for an hour, waiting for my transportation and dying for it all to be over with. I wanted to be back home.

When I got back to the hotel, I found out from my mom that Harold had called her and wanted to know if I was here.  My mom wasn't mean or yelled but she did chastise him for his lack of communication and how he acts like he doesn't care about me.  She asked him point back do you love her?  He said yes, he loved me.  Liar.  He said it because he was afraid my mom was going to rip his head off and she should have.  The front desk told me some man had come by about 30 minutes after I left, looking for me and they told him to get lost.  I love that front desk.  They weren't giving him any information.  He had my number and there were about 10 messages from him.

He had lost track of what day it was.  It was a horrible excuse and my tone wasn't real warm and fuzzy but I told him to stop by.  He saw that my eyes were swollen with crying and he apologized.  Because of his schedule, he was confused by what day it was.  He also had some time off to spend with me while I was there and we made up.  Yeah.  Stupid on my part.  I know.  I should have called Expedia the night I arrived and got the hell out. 

Our time was more somber.  He was having car trouble feeling at wits end about money.  Of course like an idiot I paid for our lunch and dinner.  There was one point where we were at a book store and I was talking about some TV show and I turned around to say something, only to see something I didn't like.  He had been rolling his eyes at what I was talking about.  I didn't say much after that.  

I was kind of anxious to go home after that.  He fell asleep while I watched Veronica Mars.  I was relieved.  

When I got up in the morning, I felt like he was just distant with me.  I thought this was a mistake.  It wasn't until he walked to the hotel and the driver was ready for me, that he gave me a passionate kiss goodbye.  

Last time I saw him face to face.  I thought about that moment he rolled his eyes when I talked and wondered what was he doing with me?  Why did he fight so passionately to see me that day when he realized he messed up.

We emailed for a bit and then he disappeared for 2 years.  I went on with life and I wondered about him, but there was a tiny bit of relief that the drama was gone.  I felt embarassed that I had to save up my hard earned money to go take a trip to be with someone who rolled their eyes at me after that trip.

Sounds like this would make a Hulu documentary?  The Midwestern woman and the hippie hustler.

I'm ashamed of not cutting him loose.  I thought I couldn't get anyone else. I thought he saw something in me that nobody else would ever see.

I was turning a blind eye repeatedly that I was being used and he wasn't into me. 

Yeah, the story doesn't end, but at least I didn't get left at another airport.