Finding positive - seeing the best

 I think writing about all the idiots I liked or loved before put a drain on me Sunday night.  Thinking about what had happened with the lying hippie had me tearful.  Not about him.  About me.  I felt bad that I thought so little of myself that I thought being treated that way was acceptable.  It wasn't ok.  Yet putting it down in a blog felt cathartic.  Hopefully for the one or two people that may have read of this won't think less of me that I made myself so vulnerable to people who didn't care about me.  

So trying to get myself in a better mind set for the week.  Think about the positive things even if they are small.

After having my small tear festival, I found myself dozing off watching TV and when I woke up, Precious was at the foot of my bed, fast asleep as though she were my bodyguard.  She is protective of me.  She's afraid of people for the most part and has never hissed at anyone other than my sister's cat, but she will follow me from room to room.  She's a kind soul.

I got my state refund back and well, got more litter for Precious since she goes through it a lot.  Got two big boxes and felt like I was spending like a millionaire.  I usually get one a week but I have a little extra money so I can splurge to stock up.  Thankful she at least uses it and yells at me if I don't clean it right away.

Thankful I'll be getting more money next week with our yearly bonus and hopefully good news about a raise.  It'll make buying groceries easier and maybe I can extra payments on a credit card. 

I have a small care package I am putting together for my grand niece and well my niece.  I have done that maybe every 6 months.  I did it at Christmas so this is probably going to go out before Easter.  I am known in my niece's household as the book fairy.  My grand niece loves books and for Christmas I found a book at Target called The Night Before Christmas in Wisconsin.  When my niece sent me a video, Charlotte was upset that she couldn't be here to play in the snow.  I refrained some buying any books about Wisconsin for fear I'd make a 4 year old sad so I found one about Crayons and love.  I might fare better this time.  I find the coolest stuff for little ones at Dollar Tree, like a kitty cat change purse.  She has 3 cats so I knew that would go over well with her.  I have thrown in things for my niece as well.  It makes me feel good to do something like that for them or maybe when it's my nephew's birthday, I'll throw in extra on his Amazon gift card because I know how hard he works at the library.  They're my people and I love them.

I was so nervous to meet my grand niece and I figured she might be shy around me and my mom.  She only knew me from the silly videos I made with Precious and what she's been told.  The day they came to our house, it was pouring rain so I stood outside with a big umbrella to maybe help cover them.  As soon as my grand niece got out of the car, she put her arms around my legs and hugged me.  First thing she told me when we came upstairs was that she farted a lot.  She's my people.  When we went to the zoo together, she got to feed the giraffes and had so much fun.  When we were getting ready to leave, she ran up to me and said I wanna hold your hand.  That we did for the rest of the time there.

There are people who will love you no matter how bad we feel about ourselves.  They see something in you that you can't see in yourself.  That's a beautiful thing.