First Kiss? Meh

 I did not have a magical first kiss as a teenager.

I was 17 and I was shy.  I did not have any invites to dances or parties.  In a way I was ok with it, because I was horrified the way boys talked about girls during our lunches at school.  I'd rather be the shy girl than the one that got a finger stuck somewhere.  I won't even say where.  It made me want to lose my lunch when I heard it.

My first kiss was with someone who didn't go to school with me and that was probably a good thing.  He was a friend of a friend that dated him for a few months.  We went to his house one night and met with him.  He seemed funny and charming.  He was a year younger.  I didn't get to know him better until my friend had a party and he seemed to gravitate towards me.  I was a little surprised but I liked him.  He kind of reminded me of a little bit of a Jack Black back then.  Not the best looking but had a way about him.

It was maybe a month later when we went out with friends and we went walking through the woods.  That's when it happened.  He had his arm around me and I thought wow, so this is what it's like to have someone.  This is so cool.  When the rest of our friends started down a different way, he swung me and I thought this is it.  He's going to kiss me.  Not quite.  He stuck down my throat and I think he found a tonsil that didn't come out from my tonsillectomy at 11.

It sucked.  I'm not opposed to that type of kissing but somehow I felt like I should have wiped my mouth with a hand towel.  Here's the start of where I accepted that this was ok behavior.  It wasn't.  I still wanted him to be my boyfriend.  He kind of was for the night as we bantered back and forth.  There was no promise of I'll call you or anything.  I thought maybe this is a stay tuned and let's see what happens.

No he never called that week but it was ok because we were getting together with our group that Saturday.  He acted like he didn't know me.  He was a total ass and he had a "friend" who was a girl that he talked to all night.  I was crushed.  I pretended I didn't care.  I was just a make out session and that really sucked.  I didn't deserve that.

That wasn't the bad part.  The bad part happened when we dropped him off and one of our friends lectured me.   He said I don't show emotion on my face and that I acted indifferent. He was actually lecturing me that this was my fault.  Maybe it was.  Maybe I should have said "Gross' after the first tongue kiss.  It wasn't meant to be and I was kind of ok because I really hated the way he kissed.  One of our friends made out that I was the problem and didn't act upset that this guy that I liked was basically flirting in front of me.  I wasn't going to purse anyone who was not into me.  I would at least wait until my 30s before I spent a 13 year odyssey wasting my time on someone.

I did get even a few times with the tongue kisser.  A friend of mine or a frenemy had shown interest in the infamous tongue kisser.  I gave her his phone number and she called him.  I was 17 and I know I should have known better.  This girl told people I didn't know how to wear eye liner.  Here's something funny that still stands today. I rarely wear make up and especially eye liner.  She would call me and tell me about her sexy talks with this guy.  I never had sexy talks with this guy.  Maybe I should have learned to wear eye liner, I guess.  She was going to meet him and his friend at a band concert. 

This friend of mine wore make up like the late Tammy Faye Baker and he got an eyeful when he saw her.  It's not a proud moment.  He told my friend who had dated him for a few months about what happened.  She thought he had it coming since she was one of his many love and leave em victims.

The second time wasn't my idea, it was the friend who dated him who thought it would be funny to have our friend call him and ask him to meet him outside of his house.  She had heard he was hot.  He and his friend waited outside and we whipped toilet paper at him.  Our friend called and confessed what we did.  He thought it was funny. 

We did meet up with his friend at our airport and had fast food.  We walked around and talked for the rest of the night.  No, we didn't get back together but we got along.  At 17, emotions run high and people don't think.  I think this guy probably grew up to be a decent human and is probably a good husband and father. 

I just hope he doesn't kiss his mother in-law with his tongue.