Nobody listens

 Hope seems to be a fading reality for me this year.

I tried telling a friend repeatedly how I felt this year and I have heard crickets in response.  So I stopped talking about how I've felt and keep it superficial.  I've listened to her anxiety and concerns but mine is maybe too much?

That seems to be the case with people.  

This year my mom was diagnosed with macular degeneration.  She's fine.  I'm not.  It broke my heart and it did break hers initially.  She loves to read and she stopped going to the library.  She found out about Kindle Unlimited and I signed her up for it.  I have no Kindle but I am ok with that.  She's happy.  I'm happy too.  I'm horribly worried about her eye sight getting worse.

I couldn't continue with my cat's medical treatment.  The vet had wanted me to keep coming every 2 weeks. I couldn't afford it.  I was tearful when they scraped her ear to check her sugar.  She clung to me for dear life.  The vet tech was mad at me when I asked about cost.  What little money I had has evaporated.  I felt like I was bringing my cat home to die.  She's still here like almost 7 months later. I don't know how long she'll be ok, but every day is a really good day that she's here.

My rent went up $250 a month.   I live with a psycho downstairs.  We misplaced the keys to the washer and dryer and our neighbor got them and my bill went up to $400 before we got them replaced.  He managed to get my monthly bill up to $255 a month when it was $165.

My mom and I looked for other places and we realized we had really good rent and it's still not so bad.  And the reviews were horrible.  The one that sunk was that the realty place seems to not want to rent to people 55 and over.  Happy birthday to me this week.  It doesn't get greater later I guess. 

I don't know what to do anymore.  

And do people really listen to me when I tell them this?  No.  And the answer isn't sending me soup for my birthday or telling me I need therapy because guess what that costs?  MONEY!

How about a kind ear?  The reassurance that it'll be ok? 

I guess my expectations are too high . . . 





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