I Don't know what to say

 I did say thank you to the neighbor who helped me with snow removal on Sunday. I saw someone helping a woman across the alley from me.  I have a lot of pride and believe in trying to do things on my own.  I'm struggling and I thought maybe if I get outside, the neighbor will help me and they did when they say me.  

I'd help anyone in a heartbeat.  I'm always there.  It just hasn't been the same for me and I don't want to take advantage of anyone or be that person that always kisses up to get free stuff. I dislike people like that.  I've been a used person most of my life. No more.

I didn't want the neighbor to use the snow blower on the sidewalk.  It's easier to walk in the snow and I knew my downstairs neighbor would be too lazy to shovel.  I was wrong.  He did shovel and he did a half ass job.  My neighbor was nice enough to help a lot of people struggling in the alley. I had been shoveling for about 20 minutes before he came back to help me. I thought maybe I missed my opportunity and I thought that was pretty brazen for me to come outside and hope someone would help me.  I was grateful.  Sometimes I need help. 

My druggie downstairs neighbor runs when he sees me and he should.  I got my energy bill last night and we are using less gas and electricity know that we have locked things up.  I try to use less heat to help soften the blow of what my neighbor did. I still have a $400 balance that is from last year.  He did a good job at kicking me further down the debt hole.  I'm so worried about hearing from the car dealer about buying my car and have them tell me that I can't because my credit isn't good enough.

I had watched a video months ago about how people make money flipping Dollar Tree items.  I have had some success and some disappointment.  I also stocked up on clearance make up items from Target because I found out that it could be a potential money maker.  I am not looking to get rich quick.  I am looking to keep myself from drowning quickly.  And I seem to keep sinking.

I shouldn't even be going to the salon to get my hair cut because they're a little insane with their prices.  I'm glad that I stopped seeing my pretend "friend" that offered to be there for me that did nails because he gets about $91 for a pedicure.  Does he laminate your nails in gold for crying out loud?  I never go anywhere, never do anything so at least a hair cut and color every 3 months is not a horrible thing.

I deserve better and I don't know how to find it.  I think do they sell it on eBay?

I am getting out of the house tomorrow and that makes me happy.  I'll go to CVS and see if I can get some clearance make up that I can flip, get fresh air.

I feel like I just depressed myself.  I wish that person downstairs would just move and leave.  He's like a black cloud except it's dog shit in the backyard.

I hope he falls on the ice that I didn't salt.  That was bad, but I'm ok with it.  

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