How time flies

 Well tomorrow is October.  Where did September go?  It wasn't a bad month. I have had the last 10 days off. I  had family here and I actually laughed a little bit.

I only had my sister and brother in law here for a few days.  They went to a wedding for one of their nieces.  I'll see them again in November along with my nephew. I got to facetime with my grand niece and see a glimpse of niece.  They are both magical.  I am lucky to have them.

Fun to laugh about the horrible things I wore to school back in the 1970s.  Didn't every first grader have a polyester double knit suit that made them look like a tiny pimp?  My mom sewed.  She tried.  She really tried.  At least I wasn't the one who had to wear the peach costume to school.  My mom worked in factories and cleaned offices.  She was not Martha Stewart damn it.

I passed my 20 year anniversary.  I got a gift card that got hacked.  It was $200 and I wound up with $4.19.  I filed a claim and notified my employer.  Do I expect anything?  No.  I was pretty tearful for a few days.  It's like great, this is what I'm worth, $4.19.  Why would I expect anything anymore?  It was kind of a symbolic let down that seems to be a theme for me.  I was hoping to put the card towards a lap top.  I have had this computer for about 13 years and like me, it's getting older. I thought it be nice to have something basic where my mom could play games on in the day time while I work and I can maybe write more at night.  Just a dream, I guess.

And my downstairs neighbor has been using our washer and dryer probably since he's moved in here, mostly in the last 6 months since he's unemployed and just smokes pot all day.  I don't have the money to pay the extra money for what he did.  I had to put locks on the washer and dryer. I can pay the extra money, but it's a hardship and I didn't deserve it.  He called my mom and I filthy names and made us feel fearful to be around him.  And he's been using our appliances all along.  

So I have been trying to make the best out of my week after I dropped my sister and brother in-law off at the airport on Monday.  I maybe didn't go to the east side as much as I would have liked to, but I went for walks and listened to my book on audible. I will probably cancel audible after my next credit. I had a pre-order coming Tuesday so once I get that, I will cancel my account for awhile until things get better.

I don't expect anything anymore.  I always thought of myself being happy with the littlest things.  I think me not getting screwed over will make me happy. I don't think me being happy is supposed to be a thing.  I just kind of give up.  


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Dark Things

I sometimes wonder about this when I'm in a brooding mood about how I got treated at a low time in my life.  Or lowest. Would people have been relieved if I just died?   Really.  I have thought the answer was yes.  I'm not talking about my family. I am talking about those who made their discomfort known to me.   They could have had some fake ceremony and a moment of silence.  There wouldn't have been a funeral so they could have forgotten about that part.  They would have excelled at pretending to care about my life if I wasn't here. Then, I had to go do something stupid and survive.  How do we deal with that?  My mentor even mentioned to me, well, you know, none of us have dealt with someone being sick.  Oh, should I get a fucking manual for that?  Excuse the F bomb but that was warranted. When I got my schedule for radiation therapy, I had wanted to talk to my manager about it and find out if it was ok.  I had gotte...
Read more

Blue Evening

We took a drive to see a place in Bay View. I was kind of familiar with the address, but I wasn't sure. I found it.  It was not great. According to my Ring alerts, it's near an area with crime.  It was in our price range. I just can't seem to shake this funk I'm in.  
Read more

Know Who You Are

 I am struggling a bit with a new work assignment. I've bounced around to working with new groups since the pandemic and it's been alright, but it's been a little difficult with balancing when I just feel off with how much I"m doing.  I have my mojo somedays and somedays I don't know why I gout out of bed.  Today was that day. I got shamed by a mistake.  It wasn't that the person called me, they copied a few people to let me know I. AM. STUPID.  And no, I don't take it personal. It comes with the territory when it comes to the work that I do.  I like being behind the scenes and assisting but it seems to be that my kind can feel the wrath of when things go wrong.  Or sometimes all that we juggle is not enough.  We are the recipient of a bad day if someone has a fight with a spouse or a child and get told, it's better it happened to you than their family member.  Lucky me. Glad I'm not a family member. The worst came with someone who I reported...
Read more