New week new thoughts

 I hate it when I delete a post.  I know why I did it.  I went to emotional overdrive on that day upset with the world, upset with my situation and I took it out on a blog post. At least my readership has still stayed at 4 views.  That's a relief.

It was a week in progress with politics.  I told someone taking a survey months ago people need to lay off Joe Biden because he's not a magician.   

I think writing my letters and postcards have been stressing me out.  I feel compelled to help and yet I'm stressed about things in my own life.  I had signed up with another group to write postcards.  I didn't commit to much, but I'm thinking once I finish with them, I have 70 more letters for Vote Forward and 25 more postcards to write for Postcards to Swing States.  I won't stop but maybe for a week.  I feel great like I'm doing something helpful when I write these letters.  It's a lot, thinking about a lot of what's going on.  I don't want to stop, but I am burning out.

Still dread my emails tomorrow.  I do have to contact someone who I think doesn't like me very much and ask this person a question.  I dread the response.  I have gotten some compliments from the people that I started working with that got passed along to more important people.  That's a good thing.

I am struggling with eating.  I had dropped off some things at Goodwill this morning and I saw my reflection.  I hate myself today.  I know we're more than a number on the scale but I felt so bad about myself.  Felt disheveled and tired and obese.  I watched Bill Maher's show and had to turn off the last part as he laid into obese people.  It hurts.  It hurts so much.  What do people like me do when we feel hurt?  We eat.  Duh.  I made a better effort today.  One day at a time.  

I feel lucky that I survived something awful 7 years ago.  I feel like I'm a science experiment with shots and prescriptions.  And I'm just not human.