Know Who You Are

 I am struggling a bit with a new work assignment. I've bounced around to working with new groups since the pandemic and it's been alright, but it's been a little difficult with balancing when I just feel off with how much I"m doing.  I have my mojo somedays and somedays I don't know why I gout out of bed.  Today was that day. I got shamed by a mistake.  It wasn't that the person called me, they copied a few people to let me know I. AM. STUPID. 

And no, I don't take it personal. It comes with the territory when it comes to the work that I do.  I like being behind the scenes and assisting but it seems to be that my kind can feel the wrath of when things go wrong.  Or sometimes all that we juggle is not enough.  We are the recipient of a bad day if someone has a fight with a spouse or a child and get told, it's better it happened to you than their family member.  Lucky me. Glad I'm not a family member.

The worst came with someone who I reported to during my cancer treatment.  This person seemed to like treating me like a joke, texting me and harassing me during her vacation.  When she laughed about it, I blocked her number.  Not so funny anymore was it?  That was a courtesy, not a necessity.  She could reach me on my work phone number. I was not going to be her punching bag on my time.

Then I got cancer.  I don't know why I thought that people would maybe treat you nice.  I was so wrong.  It just got worse.  She was nice for a minute and when I said I didn't want it getting out, she said what am I supposed to tell people?  Tell them you make me sick so I need leave.  I don't care.  I worked directly with her so I felt like I needed to tell her but I wasn't ready to talk about it to everyone.  Thanks to people having big mouths, I didn't have to worry about it.  

The really cruel part about how I got treated is that she wrote a book about her experience with someone that had the same cancer.  She was acknowledged by her own community and so many people at work told me I should read her book.  No and no.

She did offer to drive me home since she lived near the hospital or come to her home for dinner.  I politely declined.  The thing is if she did that then she would tell everyone what she did and how wonderful she was.  Or she would remind me of it.  It was nice, but I wasn't comfortable taking her offer.

It was my last week of radiation treatment that sent me over.  My phone would ring at 2:15 as I was leaving and I had repeatedly told her I was leaving for the day.  How many times do you have to tell someone that? I was tempted to answer it but I had to go.

The last day came and the damn burst.  She requested a check get mailed out and I put the wrong address on it.  I had put the address we normally use for these type of checks and she asked me about it on a skype chat.  When I looked it up, I realized my error and I apologized.

What did she say?  When I give you a direction, YOU BETTER FOLLOW IT.  Cue the tears.  It was 2:00 pm and I had 15 minutes to go and I got it done. 

The next week my life went back to the normal working hours. She messaged me on Skype and asked me if I was here the full day.  I said yes, I was back to my normal working hours.  She didn't respond and she kind of avoided me for weeks.

It maybe took her about a couple of months where she told me that I handle things well.  I had taken some time off that I normally do every September and she got a taste of my co workers while I was gone.  She seemed to realize that I wasn't so bad.  

It's a relief that I don't see this person anymore.  She always had to remind me that she was up above and I was down below. I used to go to a nail salon in her neighborhood for a couple of years maybe once a month.  Nice family owned business right by the library.  She got a little disturbed when she found out that I went to a business near where she lived.  

I know my role in the working world but I also know who I am as a person.  I am that person who will get something done when you forgot to do it three weeks ago and now you need my help.  I will listen to you when you complain about your kids not getting Filet Mignon for dinner or not being able to go to Puerto Vallarta for vacation. I am that person who filled the copy machine when you had no idea to load paper.  I am that person who took the hit for a mistake when you didn't give me the correct directions.  I am that person who will keep it cordial when you berate me in an email and put up a wall because I won't go out of my way to be friendly to people who humiliate me but I will treat your requests with respect.  

I am that person you think is beneath you but is so much a better person because I know what respecting others mean.