Saying the Awkward Part out loud - being written off

It's really hurt me in my lifetime that I got written off by people that I wouldn't amount to anything good. I wouldn't have a good job. I wouldn't get married.  I wouldn't have kids.  I fought hard to show them.  I showed them that they were right. Sigh.

I'll say what was so painful about my last visit with my soon to be ex doctor.  He brought up my least favorite exam in the world that tests if you have cervical cervix.  Because I'm not engaging in the activity that might prompt it, I am exempt a few years from it.  I don't really have a party for it but hey, I'm ok with it.

He brought up I'll only have to have it a few more times and then I'm done because of my age.  I know after a certain age, my mom was told that she didn't need mammograms anymore.

Do I care if I get to end that exam in the next few years?  No.  Not at all.  

Did he say it in a real smirky way that made it sound condescending? Yeah.  He did. He embarrassed me in front of my student. He made out like lucky you.  He might as well have said nobody wants to F you so you get a free pass.

No.  That isn't what was said.  It's how it felt.  It's how I interpreted it.  I understand that wasn't the case.  There is something to be said about someone's delivery that can throw a punch in your face verbally.  I get that whole incident was being funny in front of his student to show how cool he was being flippant about my health. It didn't help when he asked what else do I have in my family history because I have a lot in there.  

As far as what I've done or not done in my life, it's nothing to be mocking or rude about it.  I am so tired of not living up to what everyone expects me to be. 

Can you see why I'm not up for wanting to make an appointment with anyone?  It's not even about the appointment.  It's how you get treated when people know certain things about your life and treat you like you're an effing freak.  Or in my case a non-effing freak.  



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