The Side Piece

When we were in the office, Frick and Frack were bitching about someone turning Matt Lauer in about the sexual abuse and harassment that they endured.  Frack kept saying why do women bring it up now?  I tried to talk reason to them but as usual, there's no excuse for women.

Who really wants to talk about it?  I didn't.  I dealt with it and there's a few incidents that were just bad.  You question yourself after it happens.  You don't question the person who did it to you.  You blame yourself.  You basically put yourself in your own emotional prison.  I think it's great when a woman stands up for herself these days when they're harassed.  I find as I got older, I got tired of listening to someone berating me and I'd walk away.  Berating is one thing.  Sexual harassment is a whole different thing.

It was my first job out of college.  It was at a law firm that kind of had a high turnover and we were the attorneys who represented a couple of businesses.  We worked with these claims people who would give us directions on how to deal with foreclosures.  

His name was Tom and he was someone I would talk to on occasion.  He was funny and very charming over the phone.  He couldn't have been nicer to me.  All the assistants liked Tom and said he was a good guy.  He had dated one of the assistants a few years earlier.  

After a year, I got assigned to working with Tom on our region so I talked to him almost every day.  He was funny and flirty.  I really liked him. I didn't even know what he looked like but he sounded so cool.  

We had to do a training session at their office at one point and I got to see him.  He looked like a blonde Tom Hanks at the time.  He made faces while we looked over and saw him the other claims reps looking at our group.  I could have killed our trainer for not going over to introduce ourselves.

Tom wasn't happy with his job and was looking for something better.  I was in the same boat.  It was a horrible job but Tom made it fun. 

When he finally gave notice, he said we should continue this thing we have going and I couldn't have been happier. I gave him my phone # and he gave me his number.  He called me on a Friday night and we talked for a couple of hours.  He had just finished his last week and he said that he would call.

The following week, he left a voice mail.  It was a surprise voice mail.  It sounded like he was doing something.  Pleasuring himself.  I didn't know what to make out of it.  

I was naive about men.  Maybe I'm still naive.  I was 25 and he was 32.  I didn't know what was normal.  This just didn't seem normal.  The next day, I came in to a voicemail apologizing to me.  He also said that he loved Melanie and was so sorry.

Melanie?  Who was Melanie?  I found out later that Melanie was someone that he saw off and on.  She was a teacher that taught at a school near where he worked.  They were on and off and I think they had a moment where they were off when this happened.  

I thought what did I miss?  Weren't we going to be a couple?  No.  He was looking for a side piece and that's where I came in.

I thought we were going to go to the movies and go to Summerfest. I thought we were going to go meet each other for lunch and talk about our days. I thought we were going to be a couple.  I thought he liked me and wanted to have a relationship with me.

Then I questioned myself and our conversations.  What did I say?  Did I flirt too hard?  Did I send the wrong message?  Was there something I wore that day that seemed provocative?  Sigh.  I was just starting out in the work world and out of college.  I didn't know what I was doing. I knew I didn't want to be someone's side piece.  I wanted to go out with him and be his girlfriend.  Oh I was so stupid.  I blamed myself and honestly, I want to forget it happened but it did happen.

This is why women don't talk. They blame themselves.  It's embarrassing and humiliating.  It's like great.  This is what a man thinks of me.  

It happened and I really try to stuff this memory down in my brain so I can forget it.  I didn't deserve it.  He was right to apologize.

It just should have never happened.