Sensitive. That is the Question

I thought about my rant last night about my name.  I know there's teasing in a good natured way and then there's just being mean. I don't think yesterday was meant to be mean but it hurt a nerve.  The history of the teasing has gone a lot deeper.  

I've taken a lot of insults over the years and when I did say something, it was Oh, you're being sensitive.  I hate how the word "sensitive" gets used in that context because it causes someone to be silent when they should speak up.  I've mentioned things that have been said to me over the years at work or by friends and I've had gasps from those who heard it and got asked, Why didn't you say anything?  I was told I was too sensitive.

There was someone that would talk dirty to all the assistants at my first job.  He was a pig.  I was told not to take him seriously and I tried to ignore it.  I almost wanted to report it and I told someone what was being said. They said no, don't say anything.  He doesn't mean it.  I think the last time I spoke to him, I hung up on him.  I thought well, if anything gets said to me, I can say, I didn't mean it.  Years later, I worked with someone who worked with this creep.  She said he would come back from lunch smelling like weed and he got fired. I hope it wasn't because he was so sensitive.

I was told by one attorney if he wanted any shit from me, he would squeeze my head.  That comment got laughter from several women in the group.  One woman who didn't care for me, stood up and started clapping at his comment. I knew the attorney thought he was being funny. He humiliated me.  I thought if I said anything I would be deemed too sensitive or thin skinned.

If I have cried, I get labeled into the sensitive category as well.  Give me a break.  I don't show up to work or didn't show up to work and cry every day. I hated that stigma.  There's only so much a person can take with stress or people bullying you that you might have a day where you break.  I had it happen when Betsy was bullying me. She yelled in my face about something. I got an email about the thing she yelled at me for and I thought, I think I'm done.  I think they're going to fire me. I went to the ladies room and pulled myself together.  I just couldn't so I went to the mentor's office and asked him if he would contact someone we used to work with and ask her if I could use her as a reference.  Betsy saw me in his office that day.  She brought it up to me in our show down and called me scary.  Sigh.  Yeah, sensitive and scary. 

I'm glad I'm at home so I don't have to process this stuff in person or people can't see my reaction.  I can take a moment and process what was said. 

People can be so cruel.

Thank god I have an eye doctor appointment this afternoon.  Might be nice to take a break today.

I hope the good humans have a good day.