A Sigh of Relief

It's always a good day when you get your test results within a couple of hours.  Yeah. It was that time of year and it didn't end with me in tears.

I was told that my results would be read sometime during the day.  I explained what happened last year that the longer I waited, the more I thought, oh, things were ok and they weren't.  She seemed to think it would be ok.  Sometimes they just know.  It's always bad when you get someone that's quiet and you think, am I missing something?  Yeah, I have read into a vibe that was way off.  At least one time I was right.  It might have had something to do with seeing the same tech in a grocery store and watching her look panicked when she laid eyes on me.

Looks like I'll be moving onto a new dentist after this visit.  I have no idea who I'll be seeing after my cleaning and if I hear one word about more work being done, I'll nod along and tell them I'll make a phone call.  I won't say to someone else, but the time has come.  The message read please confirm one way or the other.  I've never gotten that message before.  It's hey, this is your reminder.  I called and I thought I'm going to find out some answers.  

Turns out my dentist has had knee replacement surgery so he works when he wants to work.  Fair enough.  He will not be there on Friday.  She was evasive about when he would be there.  Ok I get it.  He's basically semi retired.  I see that there are new dentists.  I just think it's time to move on.

I went through this with my eye doctor.  Went to him for 25 plus years and nobody told me when their office moved.  His partner bought him out and he stayed on for a few years but I never got any notification that their office had moved to Greenfield.  That sucked, but I went.  It seemed like my eye doctor was kind of out of sorts in the new place so I didn't know if he would be around the next time I made an appointment but he was and he seemed happier. I thought maybe he was adjusted to his schedule and the new office, but it was probably because he retired the next year and nobody told me.  They asked me if I wanted to go to someone else there and I said I would call back. I didn't.  Loyal patient for x amount of years and this was just shitty communication.  

No offense to my dentist but it's best that I move on.  I hope I am making the right choice.  Change is never easy, but the signs are there to move on.  I have the privilege of taking the time I need to have these appointments.  It doesn't matter if I have to travel anywhere for an appointment but it would be nice if another doctor was in the neighborhood.  I used to live a block or two over from my dentist and we moved four years later.  Change is hard, but this one is just coming at me.

If anyone knew I had the day off because I had my screening in the morning, it would be I don't have to take the whole day off for something like that.  Well neither do I but I made that choice.  Next.  Move on.  Mind your own business.

I got to take my mom to the food place without the stress of having to rush back to work.  I got my first Starbucks in a long time and I got Charlotte a gift card from there for Easter.  Don't judge me.  Mom bought her a strawberry milkshake the last time.  I'm not turning my baby niece into a coffee junkie.  I'll save that for her parents.  I got to take my time today.  I didn't have to be the person that always gets stuck with stuff.

The other day, I wished that I had someone to take care of me.  I wanted to be a kept woman.  That sounds so terrible. I know.  I was so tired of having to take care of everyone else and get their stuff done.  I was so tired of just doing the work that nobody else wants to do.  I just wanted to a woman who could do her spa appointments in the morning, cook with her chef in the afternoon and then have her handsome husband come home and adore her.  And oh, would I adore him big time, especially not dealing with people everyday.

No, I don't want anyone to save me. I don't want anyone to keep me in a life of luxury.  And that's pretty hysterical that I would have a chef in that fantasy.

I would be very happy for a warm shoulder, a kind heart and good ear.  I would like to be that warm shoulder, kind heart and empathetic ear for that person.

Wishful thinking with some real big time fantasy thoughts.  

If the diva can do tik tok videos with her filters, I can filter my dream life.

Warm shoulder and a sense of humor.  Where are they?

It was a better day today.