Sunday Night Thoughts

Not sure how to get these dead flies off of the window outside.  I had to spray Zevo earlier and it's in that spot where it's on the outside but it's kind of sticking on the sill.  Gross.  I really hope this is the last of them.  I blame the monster for this.  This lawn was in such bad shape that everything underground is up and about.  I'm not sure how this all works but I blame the monster.  The Great Fava said he would resod it.  Well Charlie mowed the lawn the first day after the sale closed and every week diligently since then, even before they officially moved in.  He also takes care of the weeds and any other trimming needs to be done. I don't think the Great Fava did as good a job as Charlie did.

I confessed to my mom that when I broke down about the West Milwaukee duplex being taken when we started looking, I was seriously afraid of where we would wind up. I thought there's nothing out there and now we do see more rentals and some of them are coming down.  I do feel like we had a couple of guardian angels with Charlie and Jeremy unless they raise our rent $400.  I'll feel bad when I have to move to Cudahy. I shouldn't be so skeptical. I never taken anything for granted.  Try to stay on high alert.

I only have three days this week and I'm glad that I do.  I can get Charlotte's birthday gifts mailed out later in the week.  Maybe I'll know when my oncology appointment gets changed.  It's probably best I have a little break after my last appointment. It's nothing like it was before by any means but it sure the hell can get emotional for me and I hate that.  

My big hurdle the last 10 years has been life has been very costly for me and that adds to the stress and anxiety with every appointment.  What if there's a spot on my neck that looks suspicious when I see my dermatologist?  What if I need to have another fibroid surgery?  What if I need dental work?  What if it happens again?  It kind of goes back to judging me and people patting me on the head that maybe a magic pill or a therapist should talk to me.  That all costs money people and I don't disagree with comments like that, I do get tired of that being the standard answer from people. 

How about saying Yeah.  That sucks. I get it. I appreciate it when I have brought that up and people come to that realization that Yeah.  This person might be dealing with some hardships.  Kind words matter.

Don't get me wrong.  At least I have insurance. I wouldn't be here if I didn't because I don't think anyone would donate to my GoFund Me if that were the case.

That's a little dire, isn't it?  Yeah, I know.  That's why I'm ok with having 4 days off and taking mom to do some shopping at Goodwill during my time off.  

I had my mid year conversation which went better than I expected.  I had a rough few months with mistakes and it was understood that things happen and I don't take a flippant attitude with anything.  Gawd, no.  It has haunted me for a few months.  I don't feel entirely ok but I got to keep moving forward.

I haven't really taken the freeway home when I come back from the east side.  That's another reason I'm ok with appointment being moved, even if it's an additional week or a month.  I haven't felt ok about taking the freeway home.  I had someone blow the horn at me when I was going around a bend on North Avenue this morning. There's a new speed bump which is great but this person was tail gating me and blew their horn at me when I slowed down.  Maybe they want to rip their engine out of their car, but I don't want to do that.  In a few weeks, I can contact my agent and we can talk about getting new insurance. I might even call when I'm off later in the week.

How the hell am I going to get rid of these stupid flies?  I got a feeling I might need a little more Zevo.  Damn damn damn.  

At least I don't have the Sunday scaries.  Maybe I'm reserving that for Monday.