My first trip - San Diego

I took my first trip by myself in August 1995.  Other than a trip to somewhere in Illinois for Montgomery Ward, I had never gone out of state.  I had never gone anywhere and I wanted to do something.

Everyone was getting married and all I did was go to work and go home.  My friends from college had moved on with their lives and I just felt left behind.  I shopped everyday during my lunch at my first job which did not help me with my credit card problems.  That's how I coped.  Buy a new outfit.  Nobody would see me except for the office job I hated at the time.

I had switched jobs to a nicer place in 1994 and I was able to take a full week off. I didn't even have dental insurance at my first job so I wanted to go on vacation.  San Diego looked beautiful.  I had gotten a second job to help me with my debt - it didn't help.  It helped me save some money to go on vacation.  I went to a travel agent at Boston Store when they still had travel at the time.  

I was scared to go when the time came.  I thought why did I do this?  I wanted to do something different and my parents took me to the airport. I had a layover in Detroit.  That didn't make sense but there was a delay with my flight and I had to come back. I was booked for first class which was nice.  I didn't like the food.  I was nervous because I had rented a car and I was arriving in San Diego around 9:30 at night.  I didn't know the city.  When people called me crazy for traveling alone, I finally understood why.  This was crazy.

I had the horrible ear ache from the plane and had trouble hearing as I tried to navigate my way to the car rental place through the airport.  Once I got taken to the car rental place and got my car, I had mapped out my route from the airport to my hotel.  I hadn't mapped out my route from the Hertz rental place to my hotel at 10:00 pm at night.  I have a horrible time with night blindness even at 26 years old, so that was nerve wracking.  I had pulled over at one point to look at the map and I realized I was only one block off from the route I should be on and once I turned myself around, I was fine.  I made it.

I called my parents when I got to the hotel and just collapsed into bed. I was going to go to Sea World the next day and get some sleep.  That was a lot.  It was a beautiful hotel.  Humphrey's Half Moon Inn on the bay.  It was a beat off the beaten track but when you would walk up in the morning, you would get a beautiful view of the city.  

The next morning, I was set to go to Sea World and see what the big deal was.  I watched the shows, walked around, took pictures and unbeknownst to me got very sunburned arms.  Just because it's cloudy and breezy, it doesn't mean that you won't get a sunburn in 68 degree weather.  Wear your SPF people everyday.  I know, who forgot when they went to a baseball game last summer?  Me!  Learned the hard way when that happened.

I was able to get home ok and I had this guide book that told me about restaurants so I found one in the area and had my dinner.  I felt good that I did day 1 all by myself.  

Day 2 was a different thing. I don't know.  I thought going to Tijuana on a shopping trip would be fun.  It wasn't.  I felt kind of scared and alone.  Everyone was in a group except me.  You had two options.  You could shop for two hours or stay there for most of the day. I stayed only for two hours.  I wasn't happy about doing this. I bought a few things and came home.  I had gotten a surprise before I went on this trip.  A monthly one and I wasn't feeling well. I was happy to be back in my hotel room watching some Gen X movie with Jon Cryer and eating muffins from a local bakery near the hotel.  I was happy.  I took my book outside and sat by the pool. I was really happy just doing my own thing.   There was a shopping center called Seaport Village where I went to that late afternoon and walked around.  It was just this nice casual vibe. 

I did a city tour and got to spend some time at the zoo the next day which was great.  On my last day, I drove to their downtown area and went to this mega mall that was outdoors.  I walked around the downtown area and back to Seaport Village.  I just did my own thing for my last day and I was happy.  I learned I didn't do too well with a planned itinerary.  Go with the flow was my motto for traveling. 

I was able to take the car back to the rental place with ease when it was day to return and was greeted by my dad waiting for me at the airport and almost got a hernia carrying all the stuff I bought while I was there.  Did I mention having a second job didn't help me worth a damn financially? 

I felt good that I traveled and I did it. The next two years after that, I went to Los Angeles and then San Francisco.  On my last day in San Francisco, I didn't want to travel alone anymore. I wanted something different.  I wanted to find my person.  I wanted to have my family.

I planned those trips but I didn't plan for the road that life was going to take me.  I'm not mad because I've had a lot of hard times.  It's interesting to see how you plan something and then things take a turn.  I would travel to San Diego again after my dad died by myself.  I would see Harold four times in San Diego and I probably should have been by myself.  

I thought I had a strong connection to San Diego and I associated Harold with that as well. I thought I was just looking for him.  That's why I kept coming back.  No.  No and no.  It's like you got to leave home to find out that what you have around you is where you should be.  I always felt out of step and wondered if maybe moving somewhere would maybe change things for me.  No, it wouldn't have.  I'm kind of a misfit that wishes she would have found a misfit that would make sense of things.

I don't regret doing the trips on my own.  In a way, it kind of prepared me for things like taking myself for radiation treatment everyday or for tests that seem scary.  I think I traveled alone to strange cities and didn't know my way and I can do this.

Would I like to quit doing things on my own and have some company?  Of course.  

I definitely would like someone to remember to pick me up from the airport.  How do you not know what day it is?  How much weed did you smoke in the 90s, you Bernie Sanders hippie dipshit?  

I deserve better.  It was the road I took.