Toxic Relationships

I guess you don't have to be in a romantic or is being married still considered romantic? My point is there's many examples of toxic relationships that you find yourself in and don't always realize it.

I guess I didn't realize it with the stomper.  When I met the stomper, they were in the same spot as me.  They seemed nice and a bit scattered but I understood.  Having two little ones at home, it was understandable.  

The stomper stepped into a role that was a little bit above me which I was fine with but started seeing some signs that troubled me.  I kind of saw some micro managing and when I'd ask for help, I'd get a can you figure it out yourself?  I did but I kind of resented it after I was told not to worry, I'd be there for you.

When the stomper applied for something higher up, she was angry about being turned down.  I kind of thought maybe it was too soon since they hadn't been there long enough and I tried to be gentle with my words.  The person chosen had more years of experience and was more fit to take that role.  I'd never say that but I told them that there were plenty of opportunities.  

When the person who turned the stomper done, provided some opportunities to get experience, the stomper sent an angry response and shared it with me.  I was surprised.  I wouldn't talk that way to anyone.  I said take your time.  The gesture was meant with good intentions.  It would be months later when she would get to step in temporarily and that worried me.

I found things that happened that bothered me.  Interfering with things I worked on and their closeness with the lurker at the time.  I just didn't know what to think when it got finalized.  

The stomper got their way. I couldn't believe it.  Throw a fit and get what you want in the end.  That's how it works, doesn't it?  I wasn't mad or appalled.  Worried.  

I've been around plenty who push and push and push their way until they get what they want and that's the stomper.  I just wondered how I would fare.

I thought things went better than I expected and thought well, maybe this is a good thing.  There were plenty of red flags that I ignored.  It seemed like when it came to a certain time of year, I was rewarded generously. I might get a few insults thrown my way but I would think nobody's perfect.  

There was humiliation moments and I think the lurker and Regina were reporting on all of us and the stomper would take us to task on it.  

It wasn't until this moment a month and a half ago that I started realizing that this change might be a better thing for me. 

The hell of it is, I had an opportunity to share my concerns with something they ask for every few months.  I rate high and send it off.  I'm ok for the most part.  I might have knocked a point on for trust in my group but when you have the lurker in the group, that's why.

More than one person indicated negative moments when they got asked and there was some questioning. I actually felt really bad for the stomper when it happened. 

Now I wonder if whoever did that did me a favor. Granted, someone spoiled and lazy probably did it.  Looking at you diva.  Considering the dismissiveness and rudeness I've experienced in this adjustment time, I realized I showed a lot of grace and I was used.  And definitely abused.  

I have to share what I look forward to in the future and all I can think of is not being around the stomper.  Not being around toxic behavior.  I'll choose my words carefully and thoughtfully.

It's a relief when you don't have those toxic relationships.  What do I look forward to?  I look forward to maybe sleeping better.  I look forward to maybe feeling a little bit happy.  I look forward to maybe not getting abused by the next person.  

This past week, my neighbor across the alley and said he might move if they don't get a decent tenant upstairs when his neighbor moves.  Then I have Corinne asking me for a reference to get her Canadian passport.  I don't know why I just felt sad thinking about the two of them.  I don't think Corinne is going to move.  She has relatives but she does have dual citizenship.  I don't know about my neighbor though.  

I need sincere friendships in my life even if it's only a couple of people.  I've had a lifetime of toxic relationships whether it was working or with a friend.  Forget my sad love life.  That was a dumpster fire.  Good grief.  Would I like love in my life?  Of course I would.  I really would like a friend that lived close by where we could take care of each other.  Watch out for each other and have that person's back.

If I could wish on a star tonight, that's what I would wish for.