Grieving Life

When I finished watching the special they had on the new Obama library, I went to bed and felt a little bit like crying.  I felt kind of joyful watching the footage of the library opening and I loved hearing all about the library.  I would love to see it. I know I won't ever get to see it in my lifetime.  I really loved seeing it on TV.

I am just kind of grieving life lately.  It doesn't help when we have someone with dementia and cruelty in the White House.  It's a lot. I wasn't excelling at life and I don't need to struggle anymore and yet here we are.

It's a lot of things.  It's thinking about how I wish my life would have turned out.  I wish I would have focused on meeting someone here in Milwaukee instead of chasing rainbows.  Still don't regret my dare to be great moment.  I wish I would there was someone I would have met here.

People forget you when you don't make your match like that.  I just feel so invisible lately and yet I do get attention!  Not in the good way though.

I can ignore the diva but it's makes me so mad at myself for opening up to someone and now I get insulted or get cheap shots thrown my way.  She admitted to feeling stupid asking me questions and I've never understood why.  Am I beneath everyone?  That's how it feels.  It's like please quit talking about me to make yourself look better.  I knew that she wouldn't take my help and let me call to help her with her problem.  It was ok.  I tell you, it doesn't feel good when she lets another person call her.  It's because she deems more important than me and that's the hurtful part when you see it in a chat.  I've had a lifetime of divas.

Years ago, I was told by a friend that they would go to New York with me after they went on a trip there.  I said I would love to see David Letterman's show and I wrote for tickets.  I got the tickets.  They asked why would they be interested in that?  No. I never went to New York.

I'm feeling a lot of pain about people today.  I just feel like I'm grieving for a life I wish I had where I had people who didn't make me feel alone or make me feel shitty about myself.  

When we got home from grocery shopping, we heard our neighbor say hello.  His wife was waving at us from her window.  They were having a cookout.  Byron said he was cooking out for his sons even though they should be doing it for him.  Not enough nice people like Byron and his wife.

Don't mock any woman who's single with a cat or cats.  Maybe that person has been nice to others and has gotten burned repeatedly.  Maybe they want someone that's gentle and kind around them.  I don't know if Precious qualifies but she seems to like me most days.

I'm having a hard emotion moment I guess.  

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