The Cliques and the Depth of Others

 This morning, I saw someone I worked with had a post on Linkedin that I read.  I liked Portia. I don't know if I would have liked being her assistant.  She was a little too tough with the workload but she seemed decent.  Better manners than Lois.  She had posted that she was leaving the firm that she was at for years.  It was the place she left us for.  I wanted to put a congratulations until I saw all the familiar faces who did the same. I thought I'll wish her good luck in my head.  I just didn't want to draw any attention to myself.

When I was in the office, a lot of people were social media friends.  Basically Facebook friends.  Basically asking for trouble in my opinion.  Not a good idea.  My manager was with several attorneys and paralegals.  I remember her and Betsy looked at Corinne's page and were angry because she commented on being pushed out when she was asked by someone.  She was.  By them.  It's her page.  Why are you spying on her?  She left like you all wanted so you can't get mad.  Did she speak the truth?  Yeah, she did.  I wasn't friends with her on social media until after she left and I was at home because I was afraid it would affect how I was treated.  Does that sound awful?  Yes, it does.  No, I wasn't friends with anyone from work but I thought if they're spying on her, are they spying on me?  I had several people blocked for a long time until covid hit.  Then I didn't care.

I was only friends with Cassie until she disappeared and then came back with a new identity.  She deleted everyone she worked with.  Do I blame her?  No.  I'm hurt for different reasons, not that.  People can get themselves into trouble for what they put on social media.  Looking at you, diva.  It can affect your work relationships. I blocked someone months ago because I thought it wasn't a good idea to have this.  I wasn't happy that they were following me on Instagram but I felt obligated.  One night I unfollowed and blocked. I thought if I ever got asked, I would have said that I deactivated my account.  It's just not a good idea to have work people tracking you.

It felt like a special clique at work to be Facebook friends. Lorna took a lot of pride in it and let us all know that she knew what the attorneys were doing in their spare time.  It was just lame.  Yes, she was Facebook friends with Sosie.  Before I became her assistant, Lorna was her assistant and very territorial about her.  My own manager told me that I should go to Lorna about the change.  Lorna gave me permission to work with Sosie and put a ribbon on my wrist to let me know that it was ok.  They were still going to go on their walks.  They were still going to talk about their families and they were still going to weigh each other.

WHAT?  Weight each other?  What insane shit is that?  I guess they both thought they were fat. Hold my beer and candy bar on that part.  I pulled my wrist away and said nobody put a scale near me.  I walked away and wished for Lois at that moment.  There'd be no ribbon ceremony for that. I had to actually get permission to work for an attorney because mine left.  What fresh hell clique was that?  I had to remind myself that Lorna even dressed like Sosie.  Bought clothes that were similar and shoes.  Yeah.  That wasn't happening with me.  

Sosie couldn't have been lovelier and kind with me.  She would kind of roll her eyes at some of the ridiculous things Lorna would say in passing but she would go on walks with her at lunch time and Lorna would park herself in Sosie's office with the door closed.

That was weird when I would walk by and see that.  I wouldn't say anything.  Kind of irritated me when I had a question especially when it would go on for an hour but I thought well it's no big deal. It did become a big deal when someone from a different department came to look for Sosie.  I said oh it looks like she has someone in her office.  They were supposed to have a meeting and the person went back to their office.  I just sent a message to her that so and so was looking for but went back to their office.  You would think that once she was done talking to Lorna, she would contact that person.

No, when she came out of her office, she came over to me and griped about the person who was looking for.  I was a little surprised. I thought you had your old assistant in there gossiping. I could have told her that.  She wasn't mad at me but indignant that someone was interrupting her gossip time.

I respected her friendship with Lorna.  When I came back from vacation, I had to do an audit with her and when we were done, she was telling me about things that happened when I was out.  I could see Lorna circling her office and when I saw a message pop up, I said I think someone wants your attention, should I go?  She would say it could wait and I was kind of surprised that she had that reaction.  I was glad that I was considered important in the moment.

I have to remind myself that when I got humiliated at our White Elephant party, Sosie was actually eating lunch with us and had yelled, "Hold them up!" when I got the red period panties. I was humiliated and I tried to throw them in the garbage. She didn't help matters.  I should have just got up and left that day. Not said a word.  I would have also been talked about by the others for doing that too.

I know when they had a celebration for the attorneys, I happened to be out.  I was happy that they did it on my week off and this was something Sosie shared with me.  Irma was in charge of it and she was putting together a collage of pictures of the attorneys.  If she didn't get a response from some of the attorneys, she would go on their Facebook page and pull pictures off of their page.  Wow.  Bad idea.  

I guess Lois sent her a scathing email to stay out of her business.  Sosie was shocked that she did that. For once, I was on Lois' side.  Why was she doing that without Lois' permission?  Yes, I've looked at Lois' page, but I'm not printing off pictures and hanging them up at my desk for crying out loud.  There's a line that got crossed when Irma did it. I said I'd be mad too. I said Irma harassed me about my medical and she argued that's different than what she did to Lois. No.  It isn't.  It's boundaries and it should have told me a lot at the time. I probably got laughed at if anyone saw all of my cat pictures on my page.  

It's telling to me when someone makes fun of my birth name.  It's one thing if you're in grade school and you get teased.  It's another thing when adult women did it and well, Sosie and Lorna found it amusing that an attorney they dealt with would call me by that name in emails. I looked so puzzled when they did it.  It doesn't bother me if someone calls me by my given name or the name I prefer. I may or may not correct them.  It's my identity.  I remember seeing Sosie in the hallway one day and she called me by my given name with a big smile on her face.  I thought why is that so funny?

I was sympathetic when Lois didn't talk to her for awhile because of a promotion. I tried to tell Sosie how I got treated at a vulnerable time and she said "I can't hear this" and walked away.  Lois became friends with her again after not talking to her 4 months.  I was trying to show I empathized and that Lois had issues with being nice.  When I asked her about Lois talking again, she acted happy that things were good with Lois. I wasn't trying to drive a wedge between her and Lois. I thought she would understand and not feel bad. I guess I was wrong.  

I know. I know.  Why the tears on Friday over someone who lacks depth?  Why the tears over someone who teased me at times that I shouldn't have been teased or laughed at me when I wanted to cry?  

Don't get wrong.  Sosie was great to me at times.  Not all the time.  That's the part that I have to remember and not take offense.  She's not a bad person.  She chooses to be part of the cliques and play the games.  It's more important that people that talk to her than understand that maybe they're the problem and not her.  

I think the part of me that felt like a reject was thrilled that one of the popular kids liked me and found me fun.  Well I am fun damn it.  Maybe I was onto something when I walked out of Target that day when I spotted her.  Maybe she  would have been uncomfortable.

I think she would have liked me back because I would have done the work without the griping. She commented on what an easy person I am to work with for my feedback.  I am easy.  That doesn't mean you should treat me like a door mat.

I regret the years that I wasn't friends with Corinne over fear of something so silly as Facebook.  It was nobody's business if I was Facebook friends with Corinne.  I could have been there for Corinne when Trump won the first election and she told me she was so devastated. I could have been there for doctor appointments and just came over to say hi and see how she was doing. I should have done better but I figured if anyone saw it at work, if we posted anything, I would be in trouble.  It's so stupid when you think about it.

When Corinne was here, we don't take pictures and post it on Facebook or Instagram.  We enjoy each other's companies and visit for a few hours a couple of nights in a row.  

I don't want to live my life on my social media. I just want to live life a little more.  I want to have people around me that have depth and don't know what Tik Tok is. 

I don't want to be part of any cliques either. 

How do you find decent people who are like that?