Blank Mind

I was going to do my writing therapy about what I was feeling and my mind went blank.  I couldn't think of anything bothering me in particular.  Yes, plenty of things bother and annoy me.  Nothing was standing out.  I was just Eh.  What am I feeling?

There is a couple of big things this week.  The check thief had a hearing that got postponed.  We received a notice for my mom to fill out about what happened.  We want to be notified of hearings and she wants to provide a written victim statement that I'll probably write for her.  We won't get any money but we got to speak up about how this affected our lives.  That was awful what happened.  I wish there was restitution for the pain and suffering but I didn't lose any wages.  The bank covered my mom.  We were just emotionally and mentally wrecked.  That's a big price tag.  It looked like the check thief has a public defender and the court gave the ok to postpone a month.  The matter in question is actually what happened to us back on November 5th.  Which got discovered November 7th.  

I wish we could do a victim statement on the monster and get money back for the abuse we received at his hands for almost five years.  His old address is listed so I'm curious if they have found him.  He's good at hiding.  I am hoping that they have a process server to find him where he's at.  It'll be interesting to see what the record says on Thursday night.  I don't hold my breath on that one.  He's like someone we know that runs the country.

My mom goes to the food pantry a couple of blocks over today and she said normally there's maybe 20 people roughly.  She figured there was about 40 people today, maybe more.  She didn't take as much as she did last week.  She said we're not in bad shape.  Yeah, the snap money helps.  I wish I didn't have the debt I had and the medical bills.  I wish our rent didn't make such a big damn jump and well it's going to do a moderate jump in a couple of months.  We know how to get bad and make it work at the end of the day.  There's a lot of others who will be hurting.  I hate that.  I'm so upset with people who think this was all ok.  

I have peeked at the diva's videos on Tik Tok.  Good grief lady, could you show more cleavage?  That wasn't the disturbing part.  People laughing about others getting their snap benefits cut.  One woman was doing a dance that she wouldn't have to deal with those people in the stores.  Excuse me for this fat shaming moment but she was big as Walmart and shaking her money maker.  That was mean.  Sorry.  I think making fun of people being down on their luck is just nasty.  

I'm a little worried with the thinker.  She's getting more involved with the area she'll be taking over and I kind of wish she would ask me more questions and get a jump on some things.  I think she'll be fine and no, I don't think she's like the diva.  I just worry about the focus part.  

I really hope that the guys skip the windows for now.  I just want to find stuff I had to hide months ago and not have to hide stuff again.  I just never seemed to recover from it.

I had the exciting task today of trying to straighten out my summer sweats to my winter sweats.  I actually put one of my summer shorts in a bag going straight to Goodwill.  Yes, I have plenty of shorts with a drawstring, but some of them aren't too bad.  They're casual and don't seem messy.  I found a pair that I got a few years ago that were maybe too big and I didn't wear them this summer.  These shorts say I just give up and don't care.

I do care.  I don't want to dress like this.  I long to wear those shorts that had a button.  I want to look at myself in a mirror and say, Oh, this looks nice.  I have been slowly doing better.  Throwing those shorts in the Goodwill bag was another sign that a change is needed.

I don't need to fit in skinny jeans.  Maybe jeans that give extra space for a donut or fried chicken.