A Really Early Morning

I don't think I've had too many nights where I've lost sleep.  I will wake up and be up for an hour before I fall back asleep.  Today was not that day.  I got up shortly before 4 and I have been up since then.  I will probably just go to bed early.  

I've had anxiety about the mean girls this week.  Today, I have to work on something in the afternoon like I do every Wednesday afternoon and I have Regina monitoring what I'm doing.  Taking emails out.  She's not letting me know but I know she's there and I'm so tired of it.  I don't want to start a fight or a conversation. I want her to mind her own business.  I want her to also leave the Thinker alone.  I'm kind of angry that we will lose the Thinker because of those two clowns.

It's been the story of my life.  Mean girls everywhere.  The Thinker was very aware of Frick and Frack because they became part of her old group.  She said that Frick even made the calmest person in their group mad and upset.  Well that's what mean girls do.  They rock the boat and get their jollies out of hurting others.

Back in the Target days when I was dealing with the fallout from my boyfriend falling in love with one of our friends, I was getting used to their situation and going about my days coming into work and ignoring them.  I would talk to my ex when I would see him in the break room but it wasn't much conversation.  My former friend Jenny never said a word to me after what happened.  She treated me like I was invisible.  She never reached out to me after what happened and said she was sorry with my boyfriend nor apologized.  She was arrogant when she would walk with him throughout the store.  I found out a lot of the people didn't like Jenny.  I was soon to be part of that group.

Roy - is that the name I gave him in a previous post?  Anyway, we'll call him Roy.  Roy was actually training to be a cashier at the next lane over.  One of my friends who shared my name training him.  I actually didn't mind him being next to me and kind of laughed as I watched my friend try to train him on the register.  He worked in housewares and they wanted the floor team to be able to help the cashiers when things got backed up back then.  I was a little more talkative with Roy when he worked that morning.

Then Jenny showed up in his line and that ended. I could see my friend looking horrified at what Jenny was buying and Roy looked white in the face.  I found out later it was a pregnancy test.  Yeah.  She slapped down a pregnancy test and had him ring her up.  

No, he wasn't the culprit.  Shocker, they broke up and her ex was the suspected father.  She wasn't pregnant but that's how bold she was.  She shortly left Target after that and of course her and Roy broke up after that incident.

That's the type of women that I'm used to dealing with and so tired.  If I've shown interest in a guy, they've made sure to get there first and let them know that they're the ones that should be picked.  If someone compliments me on my work, then they got to make sure to find a mistake or outdo whatever it was that I did.

In one of my fights with Frick, I told her if you want my life, you got it.  My mom had called up crying because she lost her prescription on the bus coming home.  We got the prescription from the bus company but still, it was one of those life moments where I thought why is anyone jealous of me?  Why has there been such hate directed my life?  Should I just admit that I'm miserable to make them all feel better?

I'm grateful for Corinne. I do wish there was at least one friendship that lived closer to me that I could talk to at times like this.  I like the Thinker. I don't want her to leave my group because I'll feel more alone again.  I hate that.  I think I actually feel a little tearful about that.  

Safe to say I'm not someone that gets their way.  To be honest, it sounds stupid for me to say I never get what I want!  Like I'm 5 years old.  Kind of true.  

I just feel sad this morning.  Kind of wiping a few tears away.  Grateful I don't have to get in a car and drive.  I don't want to snooze behind the wheel.

I hope the good humans have a good day. I got to go find me a tissue.