The Thing that Makes me Invisible

My mom is annoyed that my landlord hasn't texted me back regarding the monster.  In a way, I don't know if there's anything negative about it.  Sometimes people just don't respond to me.

I'm kind of used to being ignored.  Does that sound bad?  Like when you ask a question and someone changes the subject so you drop it?  

I'll send a card or a present to someone and I wouldn't hear from that person. Then you feel like you're this jerk for sending a gift and expecting people to ooh and ahh.  No, I don't expect that.  I guess I don't even expect a thank you.  

It sucks when you have those moments and think you'll hear from someone and you don't. I have had years of that and it would upset me.  Now?  I accept it.

People who say I'll call you?  No.  You won't.  If you do?  That's great.  I'm so tired of the talk.  Blah blah blah.  Whatever.  Just do it.  Just like Nike says.  

My mom would ask me questions about what was up with Cassie and I'd tell her um, it's been about 3 weeks since I heard from her so I don't know?  

I became Facebook friends with an old co-worker who lost it on me when I emailed her that if she didn't want to go for a movie, I'd understand.  She freaking went nuts on me that everyone gets on her case and basically scolded me.  I didn't respond.  I got an apology but I was still hurt.  I thought maybe we could get together.  It was so many years ago.  Yeah.  Still the same.  I'm invisible.  Proud of what she's accomplished but she's still the same.  Oh well.

Early on, my first boyfriend had a rule with me that he didn't like it when a girl asked him when he'd call.  Well I guess I thought it was normal not hearing from a guy for six months after that.  Don't ask but show up when they call.  How I wish I would have pretended not to be home so many times over the years.  I accepted that behavior and I felt like the worse person when I would ask someone, anyone why don't they call?  

I would get told that you need to get out and ask people to do things. I did. I got No a lot or ignored.  I was Facebook friends with my old manager from a law firm I worked at and asked her if she wanted to go to the State Fair.  She said her husband told her no and weeks later I saw her with old friends from Bay View. I lived in Bay View. I would have met for lunch.  It's that type of stuff where I would think, why do I bother? 

It was kind of wild when Corinne and I started talking.  I knew a few years earlier that she had gotten married so I didn't expect to hear from her as much as I did.  I thought what is this?  Someone is interested in my life?  Someone feels bad when I'm having trouble?  Someone that actually cares about me?

Wow.  It's been pretty nice.  

That's my expectation of people. I just expect them to ignore. Say the nice things and not really mean it.

When they do mean it?  It's pretty nice.  It means the world.