Getting Closer

Staycation time is almost here.  I don't know if I'll get through the last hurdle ok before the day ends.  I am hoping that is the case.

I don't want to hear a certain name today. I don't want to talk about a certain name today.  I want no problems, please.  If it's related to what I'm working on, ok, I'll deal.  I'm not for someone who has been creating problems for way too long.  Pass.

I was watching the coverage of that creepy North Carolina governor and how he got caught being on porn sites.  Party of family morals.  I think it's safe to say no women will be voting for him.  Just when you think a politician can get worse.  All of them have baggage, yes, even Kamala and the Coach, but some of the baggage you want to throw in the garbage.

I guess I shouldn't be embarrassed by this admission.  It wasn't me who did this.  The whole North Carolina governor thing made me think of something I discovered a long time ago during the time I thought Harold was my person.  Well I didn't think that for awhile because he had disappeared for two years and came back with letters and emails and kind of love bombed me for a few months.  It was New Year's Eve and I got an email from him wishing me a happy new years, but he had everyone on the list, all of his friends and including his parents so it seemed kind of formal.  No love bombing there.

There were a couple of emails that seemed weird to me and looked to be part of a website.  Not a very family friendly website.  I found the website.  I got quite the shock.  Women who embraced their body hair because they weren't embracing clothes.  I thought you're emailing naked women with hairy armpits on these websites?  I didn't know what to think.  I chalked it up to loneliness on his part.  Yep.  I made excuses.  I watched Anderson Cooper on Stephen Colbert's show and I love Anderson for how he put the Mark Robinson thing in perspective.  Like there's comment sections on those websites?  In my situation, I'm like you can email these people? 

I feel ashamed that I excused that.  I didn't hear from him for a few more years, I would find out later he was drinking and he got arrested and was going to jail. His family put him in rehab.  At the time we reconnected, I had pushed that weird memory out of my mind because I thought he was on a better path.

In his situation, he was a creep.  A JD Vance creep as I would later find out.  It's weird that I feel embarrassed. I didn't email the women.  I just accepted that he would still love me.

Weird what we accept when it comes to love.  This morning, I felt some loneliness and reminded myself that I would have been way worse off if I followed through.  Chances are, I would have been stranded in San Diego and he'd be off with some hairy backed Mary and her hairier sister Carrie. 

Ugh.  Loneliness is ok when you think of the alternative.  It's not easy.  All that bad behavior was unacceptable. I did not deserve any of that from anyone. 

Here's to a good Friday for the good humans.  Even if you feel lonely, know that I understand you. It'll be ok.  

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