Breaking the Fourth Wall

Today, I tried to get through an aisle at the store and asked the person if she could move.  Silence.  I turned around and went to a different aisle.

It's common that I get ignored when I speak.  I think sometimes I should have named the blog Not Listening or paying attention.  

I was invisible at 25 so being 55 and invisible is an everyday occurrence.  I accept it.  No, don't like it.

It was Matthew Perry's book that made me change my writing as though I were talking to another person.  I actually found myself saying, You're a jerk out loud while I walked and listened to how he broke another woman's heart or started using again. I kind of liked how his writing was and I guess I adapted my writing as though someone was actually listening to me even though nobody listens.  This is for the person who stumbles across this five years from now and says Woah, this lady has got problems. Thinking that someone is listening to me makes me hope that someday someone will listen to my ramblings.  And hopefully not judge my word salad moments.  Or bad spelling.   

Writing has just helped me.  It would be nice if I could sit down with someone and just let all these things fall out of my mouth and have someone look at me with understanding and compassion.  I would gladly welcome the same.  It's a tough life.

I was maybe 5 years old when my parents had a neighbor babysit us and told my parents that I was weird because I talked to myself a lot.  Well maybe I knew the future at 5, JAN-IS.  Or that the world was full of people like JAN-IS.  Or maybe Janis was a straight up bitch.

And I was 5.  What 5 year old doesn't talk to themselves?  That's the best person to converse with, a 5 year old! 


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