Say Hello

 My mom had asked me if maybe I was feeling a little critical about the friend that kind of went away on me.  She was feeling a little disappointed herself since Cassie - that's the name that I'll call her struck up a bond with my mom. 

I had told her that I'm not really mad at Cassie, just kind of feel sad about how things turned out.  I said I was the pity friend.  At my lowest point when I found out my news and Cassie had consoled me, my mom said See Connie, you didn't think you had any friends.

Well that wasn't awkward.  Not my mom's fault.  I did feel like a little kid in the 5th grade.  It opened me up to more vulnerability and made me wonder at times, Am I that pity friend?  Yeah.  I was.  That sucks.  Someone told me that I don't let people care about me.  I said that's because 95% of the people don't care about me.  This is a reason why.  I can be vulnerable and I've had people move in for the kill and use that against me.  

In Cassie's case, it wasn't used against me.  It was just she did stuff to help and she moved on.  It's ok. 

I had explained to my mom when my mentor had his retirement party, I mentioned it to Cassie since she worked in our group.  Cassie already knew because someone had invited her.  Remember the woman that knew my health information and kept bringing it up?  Her and Cassie were friends when they worked together and were Facebook friends.  I thought, oh well, I'll get to see her then.  Maybe it would be less awkward.

She never came near me that night.  I was only there an hour and sat in a corner with Lois talking my ear off.  She was actually kind of funny and grateful she kept me company.  Cassie saw me and never acknowledged me which I didn't think any of it at the time but seems kind of like a telling sign doesn't it?  She was there at my lowest, so doesn't a hello warrant anything?  She spent her time talking to the other women who were higher up then me and getting reacquainted.

I really wanted to go home and thanked Lois for the laughs and that's when Cassie finally talked to me with our retiring mentor and another person that was part of our group who left.  I visited for a short moment but I left.  They acted like I was being the anti social one.  Not really.  I didn't feel important enough to have a conversation with them.

I was kind of reminded that I was on a different level from Cassie at that time.  I tried not to take offense. It was just the situation.  

One of my wishes?  I would like someone who's a friend who will actually come over and say hello if they see me at a party.  

Saying hello is also on my wish list.