Ghosting people

 Raise your hand if you've been ghosted "raising"

It's not a nice feeling.  It's like asking someone a question and they look the other way. It means You're not important.  You're invisible.  You're not worth the time.

I hated the break up with college boyfriend but at least he did it and talked to me.  Things happen and it sucks.  You cry for a few days and try to pick up the pieces.  It probably did take me a couple of weeks but I got a call one day that they had a project at Target and asked if I would like some extra time.  I wasn't getting a lot of hours and when I did, I'd have to see the happy couple.  Gross.  We were switching over to scanners and we needed to redo the shelves with these new postings. I needed garden gloves to do it after a couple of days because it was hard work on the hands but it was a great distraction and I got 40 hours. I had to get up and be there at 7 every morning but it was a good therapy.  I kind of felt like I was finding my way back to feeling better.  Time heals. 

The second time, he wasn't going to tell me.  He was going to have me figure it out and not responding to someone is so bad on your confidence.  It's just such a destructive form of communication.  Deal with people being hurt.  Nobody wants to hurt another human being.  Unless you're a jerk.  It may not be fun but both parties can move on with their lives. 

Yeah, I was naive to think that people would rally and be nicer when I got sick.  So naive!  My first sign was when I went to Eroli for waxing and I actually got someone else.  I wanted nice eyebrows before surgery.  It's ok, I'm kind of judging me for saying that right now.  When I mentioned it to the girl, she stepped away from me and her face looked panicked.  And yes, I tipped her.  It was a sign of things to come.  

One phrase I hated hearing was I'd probably say the wrong thing after hearing the news.  You're off to a great start.  Maybe you'll get there.  Idiots.  

I wondered about the friend that Corinne wanted me to reach out to didn't know what to say because I mentioned being sick and apologized for not keeping in contact.  He knew how to make me feel bad at times and I thought he would make me feel worse.  Well maybe that was for the best.

I suspect Cassie is doing the same now because of what's happening with my housing situation.  I don't care that she lives in a nice condo in Door County.  Years ago, my step-dad took a wrong turn when we were headed to my grandma's house in Crandon.  All we could see was island and it looked kind of creepy when we were kids.  I never had any interest in it.  It kind of reminded me out of some scene in a horror movie.  I didn't mind hearing about her daughter moving.  It was just hearing that she had a job in one state and she would never live in that state because it doesn't support women's rights was a bit much for me.  Is she planning on getting an abortion?  For someone that doesn't have any choices in housing at the moment, it was a bit much but I said well, I'm sure she'll find a place close to the state border.

I guess I don't know what to say to people who say they don't know what to say if you're having a hardship or going through a rough time.  

Sometimes there's not a right thing to say.  Sometimes you just say a kind word or talk about how your mom almost got into the wrong car and thought it was your car to distract someone from their pain.  I almost did that today at Walgreens. I thought when did my car get rust on it?  And why isn't it opening?  Oh,  oops.  Humor has always been my thing with people when they've been down or just listen.

I apologized to this very sweet attorney about having to miss work for appointments.  I confessed why I was having to leave so much at the time and I said I'm afraid this is my new normal for awhile.  I said forgive me if you see me having a meltdown in the parking lot and laughed it off.  She told me I could come into her office and we can ugly cry together.  Sometimes it's so simple.

Ghosting is horrible and makes people look at themselves that they're not worthy.  I did for years and now I think, well that's another weak jackass I don't have to deal with anymore.  Yeah, I still feel bad.  The other part of is just tired of emotional lightweights.