Friday Night and I'm kind of Ok

 The week has ended better.  There's a ring doorbell outside our door in case the monster is lurking near our door.  We would have done on outside but we worried about the monster messing with it.  My sister and family will be back in July so maybe we will have them put it up outside the door.  Maybe the monster will be gone.  Probably not a bad idea to have as much security as we have.  They have done so much this week and we are grateful.

Wish I could say the plumbing was better.  The kitchen sink is now acting up.  And the landlord hasn't appeared this week as I had hoped but was doubtful.  

I had received the call about my upcoming test.  I thought it was a spam call because it showed up as Switzerland and I accepted the call.  I put it on speaker phone and figured I would hear the dial tone.  When they asked if I was there and I asked what did you want?  She was from the medical place and announced she was calling about my upcoming colonoscopy.  I had it on speaker phone and in a grocery store.  What was I thinking?  I have been known to smart off to telemarketers or frauds calling.  Yeah, that's a new low.  

I don't mean to get skeptical or grouchy about any medical provider.  I am grateful that within 2 weeks of finding out I had cancer, it was taken care of with surgery.  I remember leaving one of my oncology appointments and I saw a man with his wife grumble at a nurse about that he was f-ing terrific.  I was a little surprised but I get it even more so now.  It's nothing personal. You just don't feel like a person.  You feel like a broken toy and everyone is trying to figure out how to put you back together.  You're grateful but your emotions run up and down like a crazy roller coaster.  

Sometimes I feel like I talk too much and feel like I might have annoyed a nurse or a doctor so I shut down the next time I come in.  I've had a few bad moments the last 9 years.  I pissed off of a tech that did one of my MRIs and when the radiologist called, she said that some of the imaging was blurred and was hoping I could come back. I was upset and I had been through way too many tests that year but I agreed.  When the tech who did my test called, she went off on me about how I should have let her know that the cuff was loose, why didn't I say anything? I didn't realize that was a problem.  She said I would be with someone else and was so angry with me.  I'm like good.  You're mean.

There was one provider who went off on me and I was so taken aback at the time because I had asked a question about a bump I had.  I haven't gone back since.  I suspect he was mad that I went to another specialist he didn't like initially.  He told me that he would send me to his person.  Well maybe I like my person!  I still go to that specialist and not to the one that yelled at me.  He wrote false things on my report too.  

One of my sister's in-laws is going through their own cancer battle for the third time and I feel bad. I know I've had it a lot better than many people.  There's so many things that you don't realize happen after it happens.  I wasn't prepared for that part.  

Will I be ok when my sister leaves on Sunday?  Yeah, I'll feel bad but I'll be ok. I got an ounce of hope and a lot of help this week.  Not sure if it'll help enough with the monster but it's been horrible the last few months.

If you are the random reader who sees this?  Don't people for granted.  Reach out to people.  If you have a quiet assistant that works with you, ask you how their day is going.  It makes such a difference when you acknowledge people and listen.